Seeing The Cleese. 

John Cleese is one of my favorite comedians. I’m old school, lovelies. .  I adore him. Many thanks to my Mister Constant for surprising me with tickets to his upcoming show. I’m so looking forward to seeing him live on the 19th. It should be a fun evening. If you aren’t familiar with his work, shame on you. 😜 Please allow me to catch you up. 

Cleese is probably best known for his various roles in the British comedy Monty Python’s Flying Circus. I love him for his role as Basil Fawlty in Fawlty Towers. He is also known for his award-winning role as Archie Leach in the American / British comedy film A Fish Called Wanda. In honor of the upcoming show I give you one of his funniest television moments, followed by some Cleesisms.

“He who laughs most, learns best”

“The most creative people have this childlike facility to play.”

“A man will give up almost anything except his suffering.”

“The English contribution to world cuisine – the chip.”

“In Britain, girls seem to be either bright or attractive. In America, that’s not the case. They’re both.”

And now a tune for Wednesday. I so love these lyrics  and Vance Joy. 

Gold, when you see me

Hi, if you need me

Babe, that’s the way it was

That’s the history

Blue, how we used to roar

Like an open fire

That’s the way it was

But that’s history

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Something Different 

I think Jimmy Kimmel is my new favorite Jimmy. Sorry Fallon. I love his friendship with Sarah Silverman. They’re the cutest ex couple ever, I swear Sarah is aging backwards. 47 and she looks bettet than ever.  Anyway, this clip just makes me happy. I’m so easy to please at times,  The “woke Jimmy” part cracks me up, Have a wonderful Saturday. 💕

Canada, Air Supply, and Paul

My lovely Canadian friend Paul was gracious enough to write a letter for me. If you aren’t following this very talented and funny guy, you are missing out on some really thought-provoking and hilarious posts. His blog has it all poetry, random musings, insight information, Canadian goodness and witticisms galore. He seems to have a weird Air Supply fetish though. Must be a Mapleleaf thing

Dear Tosha, I once mentioned Air Supply in one of my blog posts and you found it funny. So funny, in fact, that you haven’t let me forget about it. I appreciate that. That being said, my intent for this letter is to litter it with Air Supply lyrics. In fact I planned on starting this […]A Letter To Tosha

Friends, Funny, Writing, Paul’s Letters, Life, Humor, Personal, Fiction, music, Poetry, Love, People, Letter, Blogger

https://captainsspeech.wordpress.com/2016/12/20/a-letter-to-tosha/

Put It All On.

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In my gentlemen’s club
the ladies come out on stage
in baggy sweats and hoodies
then ever so slowly put on
winter coats, boots and mittens.

They grind to the beat of a
girl power song, briefly
flipping off the stripper pole

A big tipper can take
one of the ladies
to the back room
and tie up her boot straps.

-Tosha Michelle

Happy International Women’s Day.

The Pillow Who Loved Me

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Every night her bed spoke to her, but her pillow had no use
for language. It was too busy being soft and comfortable.
Its natural state, one of rest. She was clueless to its
aversions and desires, but suspected it feared dust mites,
daylight, and the sound of the alarm clock. The bed loved to
share all its secrets of sleepy heads, and banging heads, and
unmentionable head. The pillow refused to participate in such
tomfoolery. Its downtime was spent inside a silk cul-de-sac
so quiet even darkness was suspicious.

If the pillow had any hobbies, they were wordless, soundless. Oh how she hoped darkness was on to something, and that the pillow secretly carried on a 007 life of adventure; Something sinful and dangerous, wild and ridiculous. A secret life of motion, martinis, fast cars, exotic locations. A place where pillow was always in its prime and at its fluffiest. A place where, when asked its name, you could hear it say, in true debonair fashion, Bond, Pillow Bond.

-Tosha Michelle

Self Help to Self Harm: The Dubious Guide to Life, Love, and Relationships

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This is an excerpt from a silly little book I wrote called Self Help to Self Harm: The Dubious Guide to Life, Love, and Relationships. You can find it on Amazon. But save your money, a lot of it can be found here on this site. I suck at self promotion. It’s okay, because I’m so good everything else. I’m kidding.

Men, what you need to know about women:

1. We women like to be taken, but not in a way that requires our fathers to bring out their particular set of skills. You know, the ones they have acquired over their long career. No, we want be taken up against the wall, on the dinning room table, the bathroom counter, on your desk, etc. We love to feel wanted and desirable. Dominate us in the sexiest way possible.

2.Tears are not a sign of weakness. It’s OK to be sensitive (unless you’re crying because you have nothing to wear, or you missed a “Real Housewives” episode)

3 There are two places tighty whities belong, on babies, or in the trash.

4. The vacuum cleaner and mop will not bite you. Go ahead, try them on for size. I dare you.

5 Sometimes all we need to hear is “No, honey, let me do it.”

6.Cologne is sexy, but no need to bathe in it.

7. A kiss on the hand at the right time can be quite lovely, at the wrong time, equally as creepy.

8. By all means, be the man in the relationship when it comes to killing bugs, or opening jars. We don’t mind.

9. However, never tell us what to do. EVER!

10. We want to be your muses but not in a sleazy photographer kind of way. We long to bring out your inner Shakespeare, not Larry Flynt.

11. Withhold nothing. We need to know where all the carbon goes, and why prime numbers remain a mystery. I’m looking at you, Riemann hypothesis. Why is it all so weird? Oh, and everyone you have ever dated, and what you had for lunch, and how your day was, and what your brother said on the phone. Etc
.
12. Your mother was right, manners matter. Prove to us chivalry is not dead.

13. Please don’t tell us to calm down. You calm down!

14. I mentioned this last time but felt the need to reiterate, no, we do not want to see a picture of the little engine that could. Keep it wrapped up, buddy, until sexy time (which reminds me, never call sex, sexy time.)

15. Just because your friends might find us appealing doesn’t mean we want to to be with them. (unless your friends are Timothy Olyphant or Jon Stewart)

16. Please talk about your feelings. We want to know what’s going on in those heads of yours. However, we don’t have to have a come to Jesus meeting or an Oprah moment.

17. Douchebaggery is never a winning look. Wear compassion and humanity instead.

18.There’s nothing hotter than a man with tools, unless it’s a man with a book.

19. We like wearing your old college sweatshirt or sleeping in your t-shirt. Prepare to share. It makes us feel close to you.

20. All we need is affection, attention, love, chocolate — and a guy with a big…………………………………………………………….

brain.

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