She Always 

She always wants to love
in small sane ways.
But as soon as she listens to
her heart, it lies in the open
mouth passionate kiss of
spring and rebirth.

She writes in the third person
to avoid the intimate tone.
But “I” slips in every time
I try to hide out
in metaphors, but come out
before the count of ten.

I always want to keep
at least part of myself
for me, to be reasonable
and clear headed.
To write the visible life
but remain invisible.

Instead my love is a wild
iris overgrown. My soul
meant to maintain clarity,
gets drunk on the elixir,
refuses to be tamed.
I try to mute my love
but the clasp won’t
stay closed.
My pen refuses
to still.

My love becomes large,
all encompassing, piercing,
a festering longing, a sea
of stuttering syntax.

She wants to love
in small, sane ways,
court reason without
gestures or signs, to write
with nothing to decipher,
but her heart lies every time.

-Tosha Michelle

My cover of “Time After Time”

Listen to Time After Time (a bit raw) by Tosha Michelle 2020 #np on #SoundCloud

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The Remains 

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The ones I love,
and have been
blessed to keep,
are sleeping
as night’s low
pitch hums slowly
fades.

I walk along the lake
with only the birds
to keep me company.
The clouds sticky,
but devoid
of cotton candy,
offer no sweetness.
I move through stony colors,
a stillness in my
soul.

The water churns,
dark froth travels
in its wake.
I cry for some
inexplicable reason.

Through my tears,
I stare out into
the silence,
and think of those
who make me the happiest.
And then I wonder
about those
who have come
and gone.
The ones I have lost,
lost loves, lost friends,
a litany of history.

Memories reclaim
me for a moment.
Has life carried
them where they
want to be?
Does the dusty world
ever taunt them, too?
Do they ever
wonder why time
offers no explanation
for grief and regret?
Do they ever weep
because whatever
we’re made of,
we can never alter
the ticking clock’s
hands.

I hope that there’s
a table set somewhere
for them, and morning kisses
to greet them.

The past opens quickly,
but recedes just as
fast.

I pick a dying
wild flower from its
sidewalk home,
just as a boat
heads off into the gray,
brushed stroke
of the mist.
A lone crow
plummets toward it,
like granite.
The first faint orange
spot appears in the
sky.

Lifting my chin to the sun,
to brightness.
I discard the unbreathable,
dizzy smell of nostalgia.

I bathe in the now,
and wash my soul
in today’s syllables

Thankful for what was,
but even more grateful
for those that remain 
I know without them,
the air would taste
like nothingness.

Standing on the bridge
in the space between
yesterday and today.
I walk back toward
the scent of nectar,
of happiness
Eating up the sunshine
while I still can.

-Tosha Michelle

Paradoxically is Such a Fine Word.

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I’ve been besotted with chocolate.

I’ve been confused
by broccoli.

I’ve been stung by hornets,
but still I stirred the nest.

I’ve tripped over my mangled
spirit walking the narrow way.

I’ve prayed with fervor.
I’ve sinned with grace.

I’ve courted darkness.
I’ve loved the light.

I’ve questioned the sun.
Its answers reflected back
in the hourglass.

I’ve remembered to thank the academy of monotony:
laundry, vacuuming, dusting.

I’ve had it all: the sky, the finicky moon, the unfolded map.

I’ve got lost in a roundabout,
trying to navigate my mind.

I’ve lived well in unsettled hues.

I’ve been Saturday, Sunday,
and Monday.

I’ve tasted ash, eaten roses,
demanded a life of flames.

I’ve been a lunatic and lover.

I’ve been the Patron Saint
offering my protection.

I’ve been Judas,
freely spending the silver.

I’ve nearly drowned in the past’s harsh syllables.

I’ve held a grudge.
I’ve forgiven.

I’ve found a second soul.
I transcribe it in chaos and peace.

My heart circumventing the paradox.

I’ve learned how to rearrange the letters of myself in a sentence that fits.

Casting away yesterday’s syntax.

Coming unmoored.

I move toward clarity’s
swinging door as fast as
a sip through a straw.

I make my getaway.

The quarrel with myself over.
I stand at attention,
dust free.

I’ve survived.

-Tosha Michelle

High Praises

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Oh Goddess of rejections,
insecurities, sleepless
nights, and the sink
that always seems to leak.

Oh Goddess of loneliness,
depression, evenings spent
looking for hope in the
foggy light of isolation.

Oh Goddess of endless
chores, mundane errands,
always lurking around,
watching me toil and spin.

Goddess of painful memories
collected in a heart jar.
Unfulfilled dreams and desires.
The oil slick of wasted time.

I love you for forcing me to feel;
As I stand here holding onto
the railing of my sanity.

I thank you for the hands
wrapped around my neck.

For each tussle with the sun,
that always hides behind
a cloud of chaos.

At least I’m still here, kicking,
and dodging, the shadow crop of
my mind. I know how to make fire,
while others still struggle with flint.

For you it was never about high praises.
You live for the forlorn.
You know the insincerity of the thorn bush.

I praise you for the shattered,
the weeds, the bee stings, the
thunder clouds, every skinned knee,
wilted flowers, the dove that
refuses to eat from my hand.

Oh Goddess of imperfection,
You know that despair is the beauty
life and poetry are made of.

Thank you for teaching me this.
My tears and words sing back
a hallelujah for the pain.

-Tosha Michelle

Back to You.

Random thoughts  

A break in a relationship is usually code for “We’re on the way out, but neither of us wants to let go, so let’s just do this painfully and slowly.” It also throws us females into crisis mode. This according to Cosmo. 👠

Hmmm…


Look, sometimes in life you’ll be displaced, erased , or even replaced.  Just ask Ross. Ha! You’ll feel abandoned and rejected.  It’s not your fault. Sometimes, even the best relationships run their course. Still, even knowing this, losing someone you love is the worst. It can cause a lot of pain, anger, and self doubt  It’s a shock to the system when the person you thought would always be there for you suddenly isn’t. When you go from being in the highlight reel of someone life’s to the cutting room floor, it is devastating . It’s especially hurtful, if  you’ve been replaced or they’ve just lost that loving feeling. woh, that loving feeling. Poor Goose. 😉

Eventually though after a period of grieving, the heart and mind will sync up and  you’ll realizes people change.and Maverick will fly again. 😎 Feelings change too and some folks aren’t meant to be in our lives forever. Hey, just because they forgot how amazing you are, doesn’t mean you should. Of course, maybe they didn’t forget but are just looking for a different brand of amazing. Don’t blame yourself for their actions and don’t waste your time blaming them either. Focus on what they taught you, the good stuff, forgive them the bad, and wish them well on their journey. And never let anyone put baby in a corner unless it’s stocked with 🍷 and 80s movies. 

The upside to heartbreak is sometimes in life you’ll be loved, cherished, and treated like the irreplaceable person you are. Someone is going to look at you like you’re everything, because to them you are. The only thing they’ll want to replace is dark chocolate for milk. 😜Cherish these people, but most importantly, cherish yourself. Own your worth and never let anyone make you feel less than because you’re beautiful, ageless, exceptional, and one of a kind. You’re an original baby, and worth more than long goodbyes that end in heartache or people who aren’t certain where you fit in, in their lives anymore. You may lose them, but don’t lose yourself.  

Love, Oprah ha!  You don’t get a car, sadly. 

On a fun note a touch of pink and a Selena’s song.  Happy Tuesday. xx


“You could break my heart in two. But when it heals, it beats for you. I know it’s forward, but it’s true”

Stage Leaps

Renewal happens in stage leaps

and high dives.

Under the water waits another 

life, another world 

Listen to the keening of the day.

Spring always comes around again.

The sun doesn’t move but we can.

Don’t be afraid to shimmer 

to put on new skin.

Let your heart be hungry 

Knowing whatever you become

next will be better. 

Shed your claws, your regrets 

The air is brighter but the time

finite. Jump into the arms of 

the novel of your life while

there still time to live the story. 

-Tosha Michelle