When the tea is served but it’s none of your business but then sis snaps and you’re a skinny legend 😜🤓
I’ve been in a real funk recently, as you know. Questioning the merits of kindness and loyalty. This in itself has been selfish. This mindset of what’s the point of being steadfast, loving, and giving if people don’t respond in kind. I’ve come to the realization that even if those merits aren’t returned, be kind and loyal anyway.
Put love into the world. Let your karma be good. There’s no point in being bitter and mean. Definitely nothing gained from being the victim. It’s just leads to more misery. In order words, you can’t control how others react, but you can be in charge of your life and emotional wellbeing. We have nothing to regret that way.
During this bleak period, in addition, to working out and just working in general, I’ve been watching tons of documentaries. If you haven’t seen HBO’s “The Jinix” check it out. It’s about the life and crimes of real estate heir Robert Durst. He’s an oddly sympathetic character, but most likely a three times murderer. Yikes! I also watched a documentary on “The End Of The World” cult. Very strange, indeed. It’s sad how vulnerable and lost people can be. Sadder still, when other humans prey on those in need.
For lighter fare, I’ve discovered Shane Dawson’s YouTube channel. I know! I’m always late to the pop culture table. For those like me, unfamiliar with his channel, Shane was one of the first YouTuber to become famous. I’ve been binging on his channel and it’s really lifting my spirits. The videos are full of humor and postive energy. He use to weigh 400 pounds and was bullied as a kid. His dad was abusive and he grew up poor. If anyone had a right to be bitter, it’s Shane. However, he turned his adversaries into something really wonderful. He lost the weight and has since reconnected and forgiven his father. In addition he came out of the closet a few years back and is much happier for it. He seems like a really sweet guy and his videos will make you laugh and cry. Here’s a link to his channel
I’ve also been watching a former WordPresser. Is that a thing? It is now. The former WordPresser is a guy named Joe. He served 7 years in prison for nonviolent drug charges. Prior to that stint, he was in and out of prison. However, this last time was that wake up call he needed. Three years ago he created a YouTube channel upon his released called “The After Prison Show” In these videos, he educated people about the perils of prison in an entertaining way. He goes out of his way to help exconvicts too.The really lovely thing is he shows through living an exceptional life that one can rise above their circumstancess, that one can overcome addiction and the revolving door cycle. He’s funny as all get out, but serious when it comes to making a difference. In all honesty, he’s is easy on the eyes, but very much taken by his beautiful wife. Rainey. Also part of his chatm, his love for her. You’ll truly be impressed with how he gives back to the world and refuses to fall back into old ways. Our justice system doesn’t make it easy. Here’s a link to his channel. He’s almost at a million subscribers. 👍
And now a cute picture of my rock star cat. Tucker says “you’re welcome” He’ll be available to sign autographs later. Bring your own pen and paper. He really can’t be bothered otherwise 😎
Happy Monday. Fading back into the ether with Shane, Joe, Tucker, my amazing family, and a few loyal friends. See you around when I’m back in creative mode ❤️
PS. My dad’s cat Smokey took a shine to me. If only I were as good with people as I am with cats 😜
Hey y’all. I mentioned taking some time off WP one post back, and I’m extending that break to the fall. I may blog between now and then. I may not. I don’t know. I do know I’m in one of my antisocial, introverted, melancholy moods. I’m tired of humanity at the moment, or the lack thereof. Imagine a world where empathy won out over apathy, where instead of me, me, me it was WE. Self absorption is killing us. I’m just as guilty of it as everyone else.
Things always look better in the fall. Hopefully, the cooler weather will spark my creativity and energy. I’m blessed more than not. This Debbie Downer thing will pass. In the meantime, be well. Lots of love.
Calming breath as I walk in the cold. The sky cast in a sober shade of melancholy. On the ground a thin layer of snow, lined by my footprints, creating a circle. Feet that have lost their direction. No faith in the journey. My heart blue with evening. My soul in the dark hours. My mind in paraphrase.
Soon it will be a New Year. Time to let go of past regrets, focus on the now. Toss out our bad habits and scrawl a new list. Do I still have use for such things?
Soon January will mutate into February. Hibernation is a kind of conservation, I remind myself. I could live inside, sleep until spring comes. Let my dreams refurbishes and rehabilitate. No longer full of Cinderella wishes, but still so very wishful.
I’m not as young or as uncomplicated as I once was. My spirit has never been still. The future is an Edward Hopper’s painting, a lost penny on the side of the highway. Perhaps, this is what purgatory is like: the scent of falling snow, the taste of ash, the endless road of what was, the journey to what will be.
As I walk back inside. I catch a glimpse of myself in the living room window. For a moment, I see the reflection of the girl I used to be. Shy. Timid. Meek. She was always happy to linger in the hallway outside her life.
Would I go back to the days before I became unmoored, before my life accumulate in experience, sorrows, and lessons learned? I don’t think I would. A dust free existence isn’t really living, is it? The artful dodge is only artful for so long.
Perhaps, Purgatory really is where we understand the multiplicity of self. That what’s left for us, is what we make it. Maybe I’ve been trying too hard to remove myself from the syllables. Perhaps, there’s grace in the old nouns, adjectives, and verbs, and hope in the new ones.
As I go to close the front door; I note my footprints, and how the snow looks brighter and softer in the half light. Could it be my steps have purpose, even if the heaven I’m looking for isn’t there?
A shot of the rock star cat and a song. I’ll taking a couple weeks off blogging, but will do my best to keep up with all of yours.. If you need to reach me, feel free to send me an email. Hope you all have a lovely weekend. Thanks for the continued support. It’s really a lovely community we have here. See you soon. xx
Taylor Swift-“The Story of Us”
This one goes our to my lovely friend Andrew aka The Lonely Author. I know he’ll be able to relate to this post. If you aren’t following him, check out his poetry here:
Andrew is a gifted writer and newly single. Ladies, if you like your guys romantic, masculine, creative, emotionally available, loyal, and considerate, he’s the total package with a backstage pass.
I’ve been besotted with chocolate.
I’ve been confused
I’ve been stung by hornets,
but still I stirred the nest.
I’ve tripped over my mangled
spirit walking the narrow way.
I’ve prayed with fervor.
I’ve sinned with grace.
I’ve courted darkness.
I’ve loved the light.
I’ve questioned the sun.
Its answers reflected back
in the hourglass.
I’ve remembered to thank the academy of monotony:
laundry, vacuuming, dusting.
I’ve had it all: the sky, the finicky moon, the unfolded map.
I’ve got lost in a roundabout,
trying to navigate my mind.
I’ve lived well in unsettled hues.
I’ve been Saturday, Sunday,
I’ve tasted ash, eaten roses,
demanded a life of flames.
I’ve been a lunatic and lover.
I’ve been the Patron Saint
offering my protection.
I’ve been Judas,
freely spending the silver.
I’ve nearly drowned in the past’s harsh syllables.
I’ve held a grudge.
I’ve found a second soul.
I transcribe it in chaos and peace.
My heart circumventing the paradox.
I’ve learned how to rearrange the letters of myself in a sentence that fits.
Casting away yesterday’s syntax.
I move toward clarity’s
swinging door as fast as
a sip through a straw.
I make my getaway.
The quarrel with myself over.
I stand at attention,