2020 


You all can blame my buddy Casey for what follows. He encourages my list madness. You can check out his poetry here. http://www.scurvyq52.wordpress.com  He’s guaranteed to shiver your timbers. Just ask his beautiful wife and devoted readers. (This ad paid for by Casey and the Pirates of Jacksonville) 😎

And now I give you (and C-Man) twenty facts about myself . What are some facts about you? I’d love to know more about you and your world. 

Tosh Twenty

1. I’ve battled depression and anxiety on and off for years, since I was a teen really.  I worry a lot and mostly about things thaf haven’t even happened.  Thankfully, I’ve learned to cope.  One thing that has helped me is focusing on others. It gets me out of my head and allows me to direct my energy towards something positive.  

2. I’m super affectionate and outgoing with my family and friends, but can be shy and reserved with people I don’t know well.  I also can go quiet if I’m upset about something or just lost in a daydream. 

3. I can usually find the good in most situations. I’m fairly easygoing with moments of anarchy and rebellion. 

4. I use humor as a buffer when my emotions start to overwhelm me. This creates a false narrative and deflect what I’m really struggling with. I find it hard to be vulnerable with most people. It’s easier to just joke and play off what I’m feeling. 

5. When I was little and my brother was born, people would asked me what I thought of the new baby. I would always reply in a serious and reflective tone, “He’s okay except for his face”. Pretty much still holds true today. Haha!   Not really. 

6. I use words like nifty and neat.  

7. I think I would have made an excellent flapper girl, were it not for being born in the wrong decade, and the gusto to which I apply tripping over my own feet. 

8. I don’t get dark chocolate, skinny jeans, Donald Trump, kale, math, Wal-Mart, or why Andy Cohen is popular.

9. I love James Corbin, Jimmy Fallon, John Cleese, John Legend, and  the letter J. 😁

10. I think it might be cool to live in a lighthouse and turn ir into a B and B.

11. I’ve really gotten into cooking recently Believe me no one is more surprised than me. I’m trying new recipes and enjoying it. Dinner at my house everyone. Bring wine, roses are optional. Chocolate is demanded.

12. I’m quiet happy to stay home and watch Netflix or read a book. Currently watching “The Staircase”   It’s about the Michael Peterson trial.  I can be a real homebody.

13. However,  I do enjoy days and nights out Love trying new restaurants and just walking around town.  I also enjoy festivals, concerts,  Sunday drives, plays,sightseeing and traveling   

14. I t’s like a constant ticker tape parade in my head because of this, I need lots of creative outlets. Currently into writing, painting, singing, and practicing my hip hop moves 😜

15.  My friend Misty and I will be releasing a poetry book in December. 

16. Fun fact- I’ve learned that sometimes the people you care about and do the most for are the ones that will hurt you the hardest I’m not sure why that is. Forgive and forget though. If you can’t do that,  as my Granny use to say, “Pray for them.” . Dear Lord, please let a flower pot fall in their stupid head” kidding! Refer back to number 4 on the list 

17. My dream jobs are as follows being a profiler for the FBI, hosting a home interior show on HGTV,  being a Broadway darling, or having my own organic skincare line. 

18. I’m going to Salem Massachusetts and Portland Maine the last week of October. Excited to see New England in the fall. It looks so pretty.  I’m particularly excited to see The House of Seven Gables, Longfellow’s digs, the art of Winslow Homer, Cape Elizabeth, and of course The Holy Doughnut.  Okay, mostly the latter, but I’m sure the rest will be cool too. 😆

19. I love food, but my taste is sort of pedestrian. Yes, I eat people walking on the street .😜

20. I have every beauty and anti-aging gadget known to man. I’m not getting any younger so I really try and take care of my skin. I’m also afraid of needles and knives so doing noninvasive things at home is the route I’m taking. These little machines have made such a HUGE difference. I will use them for the rest of my life. I think I look pretty good to be turning 106. 😜

Bomus fact

I’ve loved to be a beauty blogger but I think I’m more suited to write on the adventures of being a dork. Ha!🤓

Music and a nod to a fact on my list.  This song always cheers me up. 🍸

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Soul Keepers 


There are those people
who don’t need to look at you
to really see you.
They see you as you are.
Your lesser than moments
The sadness that is opulent
in you.

They’ll love you whether you’re
noteless or the feature story
written in the best of you,
whether your feet are sinking
in quicksand, or lost among dandelions
and slippery grass.

They’ll love your voice when it
deepens with life’s desire
or breaks with the frost of despair.
These are the ones who will
revive you when you’re barely alive.
When the sky loses it’s luster,
they’ll eat the clouds for you.

They’ll never be just a drifting
wind. or a splintering shadow,
a stray unimpressed with your
offering wandering off.
These people are your constants,
leaves that don’t flinch in the bitter air.
Forever entwined in your heart.
Immovable, no matter how much the branches
of your soul may shutter.

There are those people who
don’t need to look at you to
really see you.
They see you in the darkest
ravine or the midday sunlight of the pines.
These people are the backdrop
of your life, the stars who crown
you on your long walk home.
These are those you
sing the song of yourself too.
The ones who hear the potential
in every note.
And remind you of the words
when you forget how the
melody goes.

-Tosha Michelle 

And silliness and no makeup ensued.


And this song goes out to my cat of course. 😜💕

Grief and High Delight 

Hello lovelies. It’s a Salinger kind of day. Last night I rewatched a fairly good documentary that’s been out for more than a minute on the famed author. I’ve always been a little jealous of Salinger’s hermit lifestyle and his talent for prose and oddness. He was an enigma to be sure.

In the documentary, aptly titled Salinger filmmaker Shane Salerno examines the life and works of this strangely beautiful man. The film is compelling and inspiring. There’s also never before seen footage of Salinger. Like most of us he had his flaws and quirks. The documentary presents these complexity in a fair way. I’m not going to do a full review, as I’m writing a lot for my new job, but if you haven’t seen it, it’s definitely worth a gander. I’ve also starting rereading his short stories RAISE HIGH THE ROOFBEAMS, CARPENTERS.

In honor of Salinger. I give you a few quotes, one of my infamous list and a tune.  There’s always a tune!

“Among other things, you’ll find that you’re not the first person who was ever confused and frightened and even sickened by human behavior. You’re by no means alone on that score, you’ll be excited and stimulated to know. Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are right now. Happily, some of them kept records of their troubles. You’ll learn from them—if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you. It’s a beautiful reciprocal arrangement. And it isn’t education. It’s history. It’s poetry.”

“I’m sick of just liking people. I wish to God I could meet somebody I could respect.”

“People are always ruining things for you.”

“I wouldn’t exactly describe her as strictly beautiful. She knocked me out, though.”

And..


Which brings me to my list of likes and dislikes 

Likes…
Genuine people
Weird people
Nerdy people
Loyalty
deep conversations
Nature
Quiet
Hot showers
Sweater weather
big hugs
Long walks
dresses
being female
Mac lipstick
burgers
chocolate
Singing for any reason
This is Us
Nights in
Nights out
Holding hands
Cuddles
Kisses
Silliness
Music
Documentaries
Simple things
fancy things
sleep

Dislikes….
being treated like
you never mattered by
people who swore they would
never hurt you.
liars
Phoney people
Rude people
Selfish people
Fickle people
Big egos
blockheads
Mornings
Goodbyes
sleepless nights
Donald Trump
Math
Humidity
Loud nosies
Anxiety
injustices
Kale
Parties
Small talk
unsweeten tea
Waiting on anything 

What are some of your likes and dislikes? Which category would you place Salinger? How about me? 😜

And now….

Music y’all 

Grace Revolution 

I have a birthday coming up in Sept. Hint, it’s the 4th and I accept Dior and cash. Ha! I really need to revamp my joke collection. I’ve been in a reflective mood as I approach another year in the life.  Looking back I’m kind of amazed at how I’ve come into my own over the last decade. Talk about a late bloomer. I hope I never stop blooming. I’m already well on my way to becoming a blooming idiot. 🙃 Really though I’m my worst critic but I’ve achieved some really wonderful things. I need to own that instead of being so down on myself. Yes, folks.  I’m all kind of amazing. Ha!

Life is good, even though I have my battles with depression and anxiety. I can be really miserable and morose, but can’t we all? On the upside,  I’ve just started a new career and I’ve really become focused on health and fitness. I’m also realizing that aging is something to be grateful for. It means we’re alive. My parents inspire me everyday. They’re still so youthful and utterly cool. Let’s be clear, I’ll never be cool, even if it’s in my DNA. I’m too me for that. What I do have is a childlike innocence when it comes to certain things and a nerdy girlish charm that hopefully will keep my soul young indefinitely. 

Anyway, the purpose of this post is to give you lovelies one my goofy lists, inspired by my upcoming birthday. So without further preamble…

Life Lessons Learned (thus far)

1. Chocolate is everything! 😜
2. Age is how you define it. it’s all about your perception. You can feel old at 20 or young at 70. It’s up to you.
3. A lack of compromise and effort in relationships often equates to a lack of care and respect  Don’t ever settle for that mess. Take note of how people treat you. Listen to what their actions are saying, even if you don’t want to believe it.  Sometimes people stop caring and trying. Accept it. Denial just prolongs the anguish.
4. Sunscreen, moisturizer, vitamin C and A are friends your skin should know. LED light therapy is pretty terrific too. 
5. Emails, books, emotions, and my closet can sometimes get out of hand quickly.
6. Be kind. Treat others the way you want to be treated. If you wouldn’t like it if they did it to you, don’t do it to them. It’s not that deep, folks. I wholeheartedly believe in karma. I wouldn’t messs around with it too much. Plus, I believe in love and humanity. In short don’t be a jerkface cruddy human being. Be kind. 
7. It’s okay to be awkward, nerdy, and weird.
8. This one I’ve been working on recently. Hold your head up and stand up straight. There’s something lovely about an elegant posture and a confident gaze. Look people in the eyes
9. Take care of your skin and body. Workout. Eat good things and never stop moving. It’s not about being model thin. It’s about being healthy
10. Note, eating good things for me is burgers and pizza. That’s why I have to workout. Ha! Really though  all things in moderation
11. Women embrace your femininity . It’s such a powerful thing. I love being girly and soft
12. Limits are for things like speed and alcohol consumption, but not for dreams and goals.
13. Never stop learning dreaming and setting those goals.
14. Change is the one bit&@ you can always count on.
15. Commitment and loyalty are my jam.
16, By the way jam belongs on toast. Strawberry please.
17. You can’t trust everyone.
18. When you do find people who get you and whom you can trust, never let them go.
19. It doesn’t matter what others think of you (except for those mentioned in number 18) It matters what you think of yourself.
19. Happiness doesn’t come from being younger, smarter, prettier, or better than someone else, it comes from being comfortable in your own skin, loving the things that set you apart, and embracing your inner Audrey Hepburn or dork in my case. Ha!
20. Manners matter. Be polite.
21. Solitude and nature are glorious.
22. It’s okay to stay home and get cosy with your sofa. Wow, that’s came off as weird. Tonight on My Strange Addiction… haha!
23. Sometimes living will make you sad. People will hurt and disappoint you. Trouble will come. Dark turns happen daily in life and lists.
24. Live regardless. Make poetry and music out of the sorrow. Keep going. It’s bound to get better. 
25. Listen to your heart and intuition.
26. Living in your head can be exciting and harrowing. Our minds are our greatest sex organ but they can also be a gateway to a torture chamber. I suppose if you’re into S&M, they can be both. It’s just got weird again, right? 🤓😜
27. Cats are wonderful. My cat, like the aforementioned chocolate is everything.
28. Live in the moment, plan for the future, and give the past the respect it deserves.
29. Enjoy the simple things. Find beauty in the mundane and even life’s mishaps. Sometimes those mishaps can lead to the greatest adventures and really funny memories. Seriously, don’t let the little things spoil moments that can be really precious. Be grateful. 
30. Lastly, turn regrets into lessons, and let them teach you how to be better. Don’t hold grudges, misconceptions, or porcupines.

And now a song because that’s how I like to end my blog posts and lists. 💕 Enjoy and have a wonderful weekend.

Nevertheless Persist 


I’ve been in a real funk recently, as you know. Questioning the merits of kindness and loyalty. This in itself has been selfish. This mindset of what’s the point of being steadfast, loving, and giving if people don’t respond in kind. I’ve come to the realization that even if those merits aren’t returned, be kind and loyal anyway.

Put love into the world. Let your karma be good. There’s no point in being bitter and mean. Definitely nothing gained from being the victim. It’s just leads to more misery. In order words, you can’t control how others react, but you can be in charge of your life and emotional wellbeing. We have nothing to regret that way. 

During this bleak period, in addition, to working out and just working in general, I’ve been watching tons of documentaries. If you haven’t seen HBO’s “The Jinix” check it out. It’s about the life and crimes of real estate heir Robert Durst. He’s an oddly sympathetic character, but most likely a three times murderer. Yikes! I also watched a documentary on “The End Of The World” cult. Very strange, indeed. It’s sad how vulnerable and lost people can be. Sadder still, when other humans prey on those in need. 

For lighter fare, I’ve discovered Shane Dawson’s YouTube channel. I know!  I’m always late to the pop culture table. For those like me, unfamiliar with his channel, Shane was one of the first YouTuber to become famous. I’ve been binging on his channel and it’s really lifting my spirits. The videos are full of humor and postive energy. He use to weigh 400 pounds and was bullied as a kid. His dad was abusive and he grew up poor. If anyone had a right to be bitter, it’s Shane. However, he turned his adversaries into something really wonderful. He lost the weight and has since reconnected and forgiven his father. In addition he came out of the closet a few years back and is much happier for it. He seems like a really sweet guy and his videos will make you laugh and cry. Here’s a link to his channel

https://www.youtube.com/user/shane

I’ve also been watching a former WordPresser. Is that a thing? It is now.  The former WordPresser is a guy named Joe. He  served 7 years in prison for nonviolent drug charges. Prior to that stint, he was in and out of prison. However, this last time was that wake up call he needed. Three years ago he created a YouTube channel upon his released called “The After Prison Show” In these videos, he educated people about the perils of prison in an entertaining way. He goes out of his way to help exconvicts too.The really lovely thing is he shows through living an exceptional life that one can rise above their circumstancess, that one can overcome addiction and the revolving door cycle. He’s funny as all get out, but serious when it comes to making a difference. In all honesty, he’s is easy on the eyes, but very much taken by his beautiful wife. Rainey. Also part of his chatm, his love for her. You’ll truly be impressed with how he gives back to the world and refuses to fall back into old ways. Our justice system doesn’t make it easy.  Here’s a link to his channel. He’s almost at a million subscribers. 👍 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSonmKTLAPC2bTCF4JHQ1lg

And now a cute picture of my rock star cat. Tucker says “you’re welcome” He’ll be available to sign autographs later. Bring your own pen and paper. He really can’t be bothered otherwise 😎

Lastly one of my favorite Katy Perry songs.  

Happy Monday.  Fading back into the ether with Shane, Joe, Tucker, my amazing family, and a few loyal friends. See you around when I’m back in creative mode ❤️

PS.  My dad’s cat Smokey took a shine to me.  If only I were as good with people as I am with cats 😜


And I went a bit darker with my hair, perhaps to match my mood. Ha!

Winter Mindfulness 

Hey y’all. I mentioned taking some time off WP one post back, and I’m extending that break to the fall.  I may blog between now and then. I may not.  I don’t know. I do know I’m in one of my antisocial, introverted, melancholy moods.  I’m tired of humanity at the moment, or the lack thereof.  Imagine a world where empathy won out over apathy, where instead of me, me, me it was WE. Self absorption is killing us. I’m just as guilty of it as everyone else. 

Things always look better in the fall. Hopefully, the cooler weather will spark my creativity and energy. I’m blessed more than not.  This Debbie Downer thing will pass. In the meantime, be well.  Lots of love. 

Below you will find a poem and song.  Take care. 

Winter Mindset 

Calming breath as I walk in the cold. The sky cast in a sober shade of melancholy. On the ground a thin layer of snow, lined by my footprints, creating a circle. Feet that have lost their direction. No faith in the journey. My heart blue with evening. My soul in the dark hours. My mind in paraphrase.

Soon it will be a New Year. Time to let go of past regrets, focus on the now. Toss out our bad habits and scrawl a new list. Do I still have use for such things?

Soon January will mutate into February. Hibernation is a kind of conservation, I remind myself. I could live inside, sleep until spring comes. Let my dreams refurbishes and rehabilitate. No longer full of Cinderella wishes, but still so very wishful.

I’m not as young or as uncomplicated as I once was. My spirit has never been still. The future is an Edward Hopper’s painting, a lost penny on the side of the highway. Perhaps, this is what purgatory is like: the scent of falling snow, the taste of ash, the endless road of what was, the journey to what will be.

As I walk back inside. I catch a glimpse of myself in the living room window. For a moment, I see the reflection of the girl I used to be. Shy. Timid. Meek. She was always happy to linger in the hallway outside her life.

Would I go back to the days before I became unmoored, before my life accumulate in experience, sorrows, and lessons learned? I don’t think I would. A dust free existence isn’t really living, is it? The artful dodge is only artful for so long.

Perhaps, Purgatory really is where we understand the multiplicity of self. That what’s left for us, is what we make it. Maybe I’ve been trying too hard to remove myself from the syllables. Perhaps, there’s grace in the old nouns, adjectives, and verbs, and hope in the new ones. 

As I go to close the front door; I note my footprints, and how the snow looks brighter and softer in the half light. Could it be my steps have purpose, even if the heaven I’m looking for isn’t there?

-Tosha Michelle
https://g.co/kgs/fLBfDv