She Carries On


She’s been taken down
by the moon.

Forgotten by the air.
The stars affixed to some
other someone had no time
to care

She’s felt her soul.
break, then drop.

There’s been pain
and muted mutters.

Her life madness-
after-hours spent
after wishing.

There’s a ditch
and then the digging out.
only to find some jerk
is burning brush at the top.

She’ll turn the seared ashes
into shimmer and lace.
with a smirk and a wink.
she tears the wolves apart.

Knowing there’s still time for
another dance, another daring kiss.

Life is all in the darkening.
The brightening.

Her eyes lit.
Her face flush.

She wraps herself
in flames and carries on.

-Tosha Michelle 

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The Remains 

image

The ones I love,
and have been
blessed to keep,
are sleeping
as night’s low
pitch hums slowly
fades.

I walk along the lake
with only the birds
to keep me company.
The clouds sticky,
but devoid
of cotton candy,
offer no sweetness.
I move through stony colors,
a stillness in my
soul.

The water churns,
dark froth travels
in its wake.
I cry for some
inexplicable reason.

Through my tears,
I stare out into
the silence,
and think of those
who make me the happiest.
And then I wonder
about those
who have come
and gone.
The ones I have lost,
lost loves, lost friends,
a litany of history.

Memories reclaim
me for a moment.
Has life carried
them where they
want to be?
Does the dusty world
ever taunt them, too?
Do they ever
wonder why time
offers no explanation
for grief and regret?
Do they ever weep
because whatever
we’re made of,
we can never alter
the ticking clock’s
hands.

I hope that there’s
a table set somewhere
for them, and morning kisses
to greet them.

The past opens quickly,
but recedes just as
fast.

I pick a dying
wild flower from its
sidewalk home,
just as a boat
heads off into the gray,
brushed stroke
of the mist.
A lone crow
plummets toward it,
like granite.
The first faint orange
spot appears in the
sky.

Lifting my chin to the sun,
to brightness.
I discard the unbreathable,
dizzy smell of nostalgia.

I bathe in the now,
and wash my soul
in today’s syllables

Thankful for what was,
but even more grateful
for those that remain 
I know without them,
the air would taste
like nothingness.

Standing on the bridge
in the space between
yesterday and today.
I walk back toward
the scent of nectar,
of happiness
Eating up the sunshine
while I still can.

-Tosha Michelle

Lowlights, Mascara, Blockbusters, Myth makers, Heartbreakers. (And the Rest)

  • I’m really enjoying having lowlights in my hair and the fact that it is finally just about to my shoulders.  It’s the simple things, folks.
  • Interesting article below on blocking friends and family on social media after a fall out. Personally,  I’ve never blocked someone I’ve cared about and who has truly cared about me. It just always struck me as mean and disrespectful. I’m an adult and if I have an issue with you, I’ll simply say so, If I trusted you at one point with my love and friendship, I have to trust you’re mature enough to respect  my wishes when things end. Note,  I will block perverts and stalker types with no regret. I just think people who were important to us deserve better than to be treated like the aforementioned   Unless the relationship ended on a hateful note or harassment is involved. One thing for certain blocking sends a clear message that you want a person gone, never to be heard from again. It’s the ultimate Fudge you! 🤓lhttps://www.theodysseyonline.com/psychological-strain-behind-blocking-someone-on-social-media
  • I’ve gotten back into wearing eyeliner and mascara most days. I’m loving Nars Larger than Life Long wear Eyeliner and Charlotte Tilbury Full Fat Lashes.  
  • Remember these? A pop sensation for your mouth . Yes, I’m really 12. ha!
  • If you haven’t seen the HBO documentary on Senator John McCain, you should check it out. May he rest in peace. He seemed like a man who cared about America and not just his party. Imagine if bipartisan became the norm. What a strange and wonderful world it would be.
  • On another TV note is anyome watching Castle Rock on Hula? If so, who or what is “the kid” Two more episodes left of this season.  Such a mind twister  You really have to pay attention to follow everything that’s going on. 
  • I’m so happy it’s almost fall, lots of fun things in the works with my favorite people.  I can’t wait to break out the sweaters and hot chocolate.
  • I give you simply the best milkshake ever.  The Misto.
  • On a film note, I watched “Mother” last night. It came out last year and stars Jennifer Lawrence.  Biblical allegories played a huge role in the plot, but goodness was it violent and bizarre.
  • What’s a blog post without a picture of the rock star cat being fabulous
  • So me 
  • My birthday was yesterday and I got this card from my youngest daughter . She’s funny 
  • My favorite family to watch on YouTube. The kids are super adorable! https://youtu.be/mFUKjbUYCcI

It’s Enough


It’s enough to just have
an idea about love.
Sometimes it’s rooted in
nostalgia, other times it’s
planted firmly in the now.
Regardless, we follow our
heartstrings through
the atmosphere even
if the notes make no sense.

We fall through sunlight
and burn ourselves out.
Dizzy with something unbridled
We don’t think about what the
sky might do
or how thw shadows might
distort or disappear.
We don’t count the moments
before we fell.
Or how the wild bees sting.
Above us. Below us, we just
see the blue hiding behind
the clouds.

Sometimes it’s enough to
just recall the days of
scarlet breasted birds
winging it, the scent of
honeysuckles, confetti winds
and lawn daisies
Knowing the Earth brightens
with just the idea of love.
And sometimes that knowing is enough.

Tosha Michelle

2020 


You all can blame my buddy Casey for what follows. He encourages my list madness. You can check out his poetry here. http://www.scurvyq52.wordpress.com  He’s guaranteed to shiver your timbers. Just ask his beautiful wife and devoted readers. (This ad paid for by Casey and the Pirates of Jacksonville) 😎

And now I give you (and C-Man) twenty facts about myself . What are some facts about you? I’d love to know more about you and your world. 

Tosh Twenty

1. I’ve battled depression and anxiety on and off for years, since I was a teen really.  I worry a lot and mostly about things thaf haven’t even happened.  Thankfully, I’ve learned to cope.  One thing that has helped me is focusing on others. It gets me out of my head and allows me to direct my energy towards something positive.  

2. I’m super affectionate and outgoing with my family and friends, but can be shy and reserved with people I don’t know well.  I also can go quiet if I’m upset about something or just lost in a daydream. 

3. I can usually find the good in most situations. I’m fairly easygoing with moments of anarchy and rebellion. 

4. I use humor as a buffer when my emotions start to overwhelm me. This creates a false narrative and deflect what I’m really struggling with. I find it hard to be vulnerable with most people. It’s easier to just joke and play off what I’m feeling. 

5. When I was little and my brother was born, people would asked me what I thought of the new baby. I would always reply in a serious and reflective tone, “He’s okay except for his face”. Pretty much still holds true today. Haha!   Not really. 

6. I use words like nifty and neat.  

7. I think I would have made an excellent flapper girl, were it not for being born in the wrong decade, and the gusto to which I apply tripping over my own feet. 

8. I don’t get dark chocolate, skinny jeans, Donald Trump, kale, math, Wal-Mart, or why Andy Cohen is popular.

9. I love James Corbin, Jimmy Fallon, John Cleese, John Legend, and  the letter J. 😁

10. I think it might be cool to live in a lighthouse and turn ir into a B and B.

11. I’ve really gotten into cooking recently Believe me no one is more surprised than me. I’m trying new recipes and enjoying it. Dinner at my house everyone. Bring wine, roses are optional. Chocolate is demanded.

12. I’m quiet happy to stay home and watch Netflix or read a book. Currently watching “The Staircase”   It’s about the Michael Peterson trial.  I can be a real homebody.

13. However,  I do enjoy days and nights out Love trying new restaurants and just walking around town.  I also enjoy festivals, concerts,  Sunday drives, plays,sightseeing and traveling   

14. I t’s like a constant ticker tape parade in my head because of this, I need lots of creative outlets. Currently into writing, painting, singing, and practicing my hip hop moves 😜

15.  My friend Misty and I will be releasing a poetry book in December. 

16. Fun fact- I’ve learned that sometimes the people you care about and do the most for are the ones that will hurt you the hardest I’m not sure why that is. Forgive and forget though. If you can’t do that,  as my Granny use to say, “Pray for them.” . Dear Lord, please let a flower pot fall in their stupid head” kidding! Refer back to number 4 on the list 

17. My dream jobs are as follows being a profiler for the FBI, hosting a home interior show on HGTV,  being a Broadway darling, or having my own organic skincare line. 

18. I’m going to Salem Massachusetts and Portland Maine the last week of October. Excited to see New England in the fall. It looks so pretty.  I’m particularly excited to see The House of Seven Gables, Longfellow’s digs, the art of Winslow Homer, Cape Elizabeth, and of course The Holy Doughnut.  Okay, mostly the latter, but I’m sure the rest will be cool too. 😆

19. I love food, but my taste is sort of pedestrian. Yes, I eat people walking on the street .😜

20. I have every beauty and anti-aging gadget known to man. I’m not getting any younger so I really try and take care of my skin. I’m also afraid of needles and knives so doing noninvasive things at home is the route I’m taking. These little machines have made such a HUGE difference. I will use them for the rest of my life. I think I look pretty good to be turning 106. 😜

Bomus fact

I’ve loved to be a beauty blogger but I think I’m more suited to write on the adventures of being a dork. Ha!🤓

Music and a nod to a fact on my list.  This song always cheers me up. 🍸

Grace Revolution 

I have a birthday coming up in Sept. Hint, it’s the 4th and I accept Dior and cash. Ha! I really need to revamp my joke collection. I’ve been in a reflective mood as I approach another year in the life.  Looking back I’m kind of amazed at how I’ve come into my own over the last decade. Talk about a late bloomer. I hope I never stop blooming. I’m already well on my way to becoming a blooming idiot. 🙃 Really though I’m my worst critic but I’ve achieved some really wonderful things. I need to own that instead of being so down on myself. Yes, folks.  I’m all kind of amazing. Ha!

Life is good, even though I have my battles with depression and anxiety. I can be really miserable and morose, but can’t we all? On the upside,  I’ve just started a new career and I’ve really become focused on health and fitness. I’m also realizing that aging is something to be grateful for. It means we’re alive. My parents inspire me everyday. They’re still so youthful and utterly cool. Let’s be clear, I’ll never be cool, even if it’s in my DNA. I’m too me for that. What I do have is a childlike innocence when it comes to certain things and a nerdy girlish charm that hopefully will keep my soul young indefinitely. 

Anyway, the purpose of this post is to give you lovelies one my goofy lists, inspired by my upcoming birthday. So without further preamble…

Life Lessons Learned (thus far)

1. Chocolate is everything! 😜
2. Age is how you define it. it’s all about your perception. You can feel old at 20 or young at 70. It’s up to you.
3. A lack of compromise and effort in relationships often equates to a lack of care and respect  Don’t ever settle for that mess. Take note of how people treat you. Listen to what their actions are saying, even if you don’t want to believe it.  Sometimes people stop caring and trying. Accept it. Denial just prolongs the anguish.
4. Sunscreen, moisturizer, vitamin C and A are friends your skin should know. LED light therapy is pretty terrific too. 
5. Emails, books, emotions, and my closet can sometimes get out of hand quickly.
6. Be kind. Treat others the way you want to be treated. If you wouldn’t like it if they did it to you, don’t do it to them. It’s not that deep, folks. I wholeheartedly believe in karma. I wouldn’t messs around with it too much. Plus, I believe in love and humanity. In short don’t be a jerkface cruddy human being. Be kind. 
7. It’s okay to be awkward, nerdy, and weird.
8. This one I’ve been working on recently. Hold your head up and stand up straight. There’s something lovely about an elegant posture and a confident gaze. Look people in the eyes
9. Take care of your skin and body. Workout. Eat good things and never stop moving. It’s not about being model thin. It’s about being healthy
10. Note, eating good things for me is burgers and pizza. That’s why I have to workout. Ha! Really though  all things in moderation
11. Women embrace your femininity . It’s such a powerful thing. I love being girly and soft
12. Limits are for things like speed and alcohol consumption, but not for dreams and goals.
13. Never stop learning dreaming and setting those goals.
14. Change is the one bit&@ you can always count on.
15. Commitment and loyalty are my jam.
16, By the way jam belongs on toast. Strawberry please.
17. You can’t trust everyone.
18. When you do find people who get you and whom you can trust, never let them go.
19. It doesn’t matter what others think of you (except for those mentioned in number 18) It matters what you think of yourself.
19. Happiness doesn’t come from being younger, smarter, prettier, or better than someone else, it comes from being comfortable in your own skin, loving the things that set you apart, and embracing your inner Audrey Hepburn or dork in my case. Ha!
20. Manners matter. Be polite.
21. Solitude and nature are glorious.
22. It’s okay to stay home and get cosy with your sofa. Wow, that’s came off as weird. Tonight on My Strange Addiction… haha!
23. Sometimes living will make you sad. People will hurt and disappoint you. Trouble will come. Dark turns happen daily in life and lists.
24. Live regardless. Make poetry and music out of the sorrow. Keep going. It’s bound to get better. 
25. Listen to your heart and intuition.
26. Living in your head can be exciting and harrowing. Our minds are our greatest sex organ but they can also be a gateway to a torture chamber. I suppose if you’re into S&M, they can be both. It’s just got weird again, right? 🤓😜
27. Cats are wonderful. My cat, like the aforementioned chocolate is everything.
28. Live in the moment, plan for the future, and give the past the respect it deserves.
29. Enjoy the simple things. Find beauty in the mundane and even life’s mishaps. Sometimes those mishaps can lead to the greatest adventures and really funny memories. Seriously, don’t let the little things spoil moments that can be really precious. Be grateful. 
30. Lastly, turn regrets into lessons, and let them teach you how to be better. Don’t hold grudges, misconceptions, or porcupines.

And now a song because that’s how I like to end my blog posts and lists. 💕 Enjoy and have a wonderful weekend.