Category: Music

Grief and High Delight 

Published on by Tosha Michelle37 Comments

Hello lovelies. It’s a Salinger kind of day. Last night I rewatched a fairly good documentary that’s been out for more than a minute on the famed author. I’ve always been a little jealous of Salinger’s hermit lifestyle and his talent for prose and oddness. He was an enigma to be sure.

In the documentary, aptly titled Salinger filmmaker Shane Salerno examines the life and works of this strangely beautiful man. The film is compelling and inspiring. There’s also never before seen footage of Salinger. Like most of us he had his flaws and quirks. The documentary presents these complexity in a fair way. I’m not going to do a full review, as I’m writing a lot for my new job, but if you haven’t seen it, it’s definitely worth a gander. I’ve also starting rereading his short stories RAISE HIGH THE ROOFBEAMS, CARPENTERS.

In honor of Salinger. I give you a few quotes, one of my infamous list and a tune.  There’s always a tune!

“Among other things, you’ll find that you’re not the first person who was ever confused and frightened and even sickened by human behavior. You’re by no means alone on that score, you’ll be excited and stimulated to know. Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are right now. Happily, some of them kept records of their troubles. You’ll learn from them—if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you. It’s a beautiful reciprocal arrangement. And it isn’t education. It’s history. It’s poetry.”

“I’m sick of just liking people. I wish to God I could meet somebody I could respect.”

“People are always ruining things for you.”

“I wouldn’t exactly describe her as strictly beautiful. She knocked me out, though.”

And..


Which brings me to my list of likes and dislikes 

Likes…
Genuine people
Weird people
Nerdy people
Loyalty
deep conversations
Nature
Quiet
Hot showers
Sweater weather
big hugs
Long walks
dresses
being female
Mac lipstick
burgers
chocolate
Singing for any reason
This is Us
Nights in
Nights out
Holding hands
Cuddles
Kisses
Silliness
Music
Documentaries
Simple things
fancy things
sleep

Dislikes….
being treated like
you never mattered by
people who swore they would
never hurt you.
liars
Phoney people
Rude people
Selfish people
Fickle people
Big egos
blockheads
Mornings
Goodbyes
sleepless nights
Donald Trump
Math
Humidity
Loud nosies
Anxiety
injustices
Kale
Parties
Small talk
unsweeten tea
Waiting on anything 

What are some of your likes and dislikes? Which category would you place Salinger? How about me? 😜

And now….

Music y’all 

Grace Revolution 

Published on by Tosha Michelle60 Comments

I have a birthday coming up in Sept. Hint, it’s the 4th and I accept Dior and cash. Ha! I really need to revamp my joke collection. I’ve been in a reflective mood as I approach another year in the life.  Looking back I’m kind of amazed at how I’ve come into my own over the last decade. Talk about a late bloomer. I hope I never stop blooming. I’m already well on my way to becoming a blooming idiot. 🙃 Really though I’m my worst critic but I’ve achieved some really wonderful things. I need to own that instead of being so down on myself. Yes, folks.  I’m all kind of amazing. Ha!

Life is good, even though I have my battles with depression and anxiety. I can be really miserable and morose, but can’t we all? On the upside,  I’ve just started a new career and I’ve really become focused on health and fitness. I’m also realizing that aging is something to be grateful for. It means we’re alive. My parents inspire me everyday. They’re still so youthful and utterly cool. Let’s be clear, I’ll never be cool, even if it’s in my DNA. I’m too me for that. What I do have is a childlike innocence when it comes to certain things and a nerdy girlish charm that hopefully will keep my soul young indefinitely. 

Anyway, the purpose of this post is to give you lovelies one my goofy lists, inspired by my upcoming birthday. So without further preamble…

Life Lessons Learned (thus far)

1. Chocolate is everything! 😜
2. Age is how you define it. it’s all about your perception. You can feel old at 20 or young at 70. It’s up to you.
3. A lack of compromise and effort in relationships often equates to a lack of care and respect  Don’t ever settle for that mess. Take note of how people treat you. Listen to what their actions are saying, even if you don’t want to believe it.  Sometimes people stop caring and trying. Accept it. Denial just prolongs the anguish.
4. Sunscreen, moisturizer, vitamin C and A are friends your skin should know. LED light therapy is pretty terrific too. 
5. Emails, books, emotions, and my closet can sometimes get out of hand quickly.
6. Be kind. Treat others the way you want to be treated. If you wouldn’t like it if they did it to you, don’t do it to them. It’s not that deep, folks. I wholeheartedly believe in karma. I wouldn’t messs around with it too much. Plus, I believe in love and humanity. In short don’t be a jerkface cruddy human being. Be kind. 
7. It’s okay to be awkward, nerdy, and weird.
8. This one I’ve been working on recently. Hold your head up and stand up straight. There’s something lovely about an elegant posture and a confident gaze. Look people in the eyes
9. Take care of your skin and body. Workout. Eat good things and never stop moving. It’s not about being model thin. It’s about being healthy
10. Note, eating good things for me is burgers and pizza. That’s why I have to workout. Ha! Really though  all things in moderation
11. Women embrace your femininity . It’s such a powerful thing. I love being girly and soft
12. Limits are for things like speed and alcohol consumption, but not for dreams and goals.
13. Never stop learning dreaming and setting those goals.
14. Change is the one bit&@ you can always count on.
15. Commitment and loyalty are my jam.
16, By the way jam belongs on toast. Strawberry please.
17. You can’t trust everyone.
18. When you do find people who get you and whom you can trust, never let them go.
19. It doesn’t matter what others think of you (except for those mentioned in number 18) It matters what you think of yourself.
19. Happiness doesn’t come from being younger, smarter, prettier, or better than someone else, it comes from being comfortable in your own skin, loving the things that set you apart, and embracing your inner Audrey Hepburn or dork in my case. Ha!
20. Manners matter. Be polite.
21. Solitude and nature are glorious.
22. It’s okay to stay home and get cosy with your sofa. Wow, that’s came off as weird. Tonight on My Strange Addiction… haha!
23. Sometimes living will make you sad. People will hurt and disappoint you. Trouble will come. Dark turns happen daily in life and lists.
24. Live regardless. Make poetry and music out of the sorrow. Keep going. It’s bound to get better. 
25. Listen to your heart and intuition.
26. Living in your head can be exciting and harrowing. Our minds are our greatest sex organ but they can also be a gateway to a torture chamber. I suppose if you’re into S&M, they can be both. It’s just got weird again, right? 🤓😜
27. Cats are wonderful. My cat, like the aforementioned chocolate is everything.
28. Live in the moment, plan for the future, and give the past the respect it deserves.
29. Enjoy the simple things. Find beauty in the mundane and even life’s mishaps. Sometimes those mishaps can lead to the greatest adventures and really funny memories. Seriously, don’t let the little things spoil moments that can be really precious. Be grateful. 
30. Lastly, turn regrets into lessons, and let them teach you how to be better. Don’t hold grudges, misconceptions, or porcupines.

And now a song because that’s how I like to end my blog posts and lists. 💕 Enjoy and have a wonderful weekend.

Winter Mindfulness 

Published on by Tosha Michelle48 Comments

Hey y’all. I mentioned taking some time off WP one post back, and I’m extending that break to the fall.  I may blog between now and then. I may not.  I don’t know. I do know I’m in one of my antisocial, introverted, melancholy moods.  I’m tired of humanity at the moment, or the lack thereof.  Imagine a world where empathy won out over apathy, where instead of me, me, me it was WE. Self absorption is killing us. I’m just as guilty of it as everyone else. 

Things always look better in the fall. Hopefully, the cooler weather will spark my creativity and energy. I’m blessed more than not.  This Debbie Downer thing will pass. In the meantime, be well.  Lots of love. 

Below you will find a poem and song.  Take care. 

Winter Mindset 

Calming breath as I walk in the cold. The sky cast in a sober shade of melancholy. On the ground a thin layer of snow, lined by my footprints, creating a circle. Feet that have lost their direction. No faith in the journey. My heart blue with evening. My soul in the dark hours. My mind in paraphrase.

Soon it will be a New Year. Time to let go of past regrets, focus on the now. Toss out our bad habits and scrawl a new list. Do I still have use for such things?

Soon January will mutate into February. Hibernation is a kind of conservation, I remind myself. I could live inside, sleep until spring comes. Let my dreams refurbishes and rehabilitate. No longer full of Cinderella wishes, but still so very wishful.

I’m not as young or as uncomplicated as I once was. My spirit has never been still. The future is an Edward Hopper’s painting, a lost penny on the side of the highway. Perhaps, this is what purgatory is like: the scent of falling snow, the taste of ash, the endless road of what was, the journey to what will be.

As I walk back inside. I catch a glimpse of myself in the living room window. For a moment, I see the reflection of the girl I used to be. Shy. Timid. Meek. She was always happy to linger in the hallway outside her life.

Would I go back to the days before I became unmoored, before my life accumulate in experience, sorrows, and lessons learned? I don’t think I would. A dust free existence isn’t really living, is it? The artful dodge is only artful for so long.

Perhaps, Purgatory really is where we understand the multiplicity of self. That what’s left for us, is what we make it. Maybe I’ve been trying too hard to remove myself from the syllables. Perhaps, there’s grace in the old nouns, adjectives, and verbs, and hope in the new ones. 

As I go to close the front door; I note my footprints, and how the snow looks brighter and softer in the half light. Could it be my steps have purpose, even if the heaven I’m looking for isn’t there?

-Tosha Michelle
https://g.co/kgs/fLBfDv

Paradoxically is Such a Fine Word.

Published on by Tosha Michelle149 Comments

image

I’ve been besotted with chocolate.

I’ve been confused
by broccoli.

I’ve been stung by hornets,
but still I stirred the nest.

I’ve tripped over my mangled
spirit walking the narrow way.

I’ve prayed with fervor.
I’ve sinned with grace.

I’ve courted darkness.
I’ve loved the light.

I’ve questioned the sun.
Its answers reflected back
in the hourglass.

I’ve remembered to thank the academy of monotony:
laundry, vacuuming, dusting.

I’ve had it all: the sky, the finicky moon, the unfolded map.

I’ve got lost in a roundabout,
trying to navigate my mind.

I’ve lived well in unsettled hues.

I’ve been Saturday, Sunday,
and Monday.

I’ve tasted ash, eaten roses,
demanded a life of flames.

I’ve been a lunatic and lover.

I’ve been the Patron Saint
offering my protection.

I’ve been Judas,
freely spending the silver.

I’ve nearly drowned in the past’s harsh syllables.

I’ve held a grudge.
I’ve forgiven.

I’ve found a second soul.
I transcribe it in chaos and peace.

My heart circumventing the paradox.

I’ve learned how to rearrange the letters of myself in a sentence that fits.

Casting away yesterday’s syntax.

Coming unmoored.

I move toward clarity’s
swinging door as fast as
a sip through a straw.

I make my getaway.

The quarrel with myself over.
I stand at attention,
dust free.

I’ve survived.

-Tosha Michelle

Popish Saturday 

Published on by Tosha Michelle23 Comments

Happy Saturday. I saw where  Katharine McPhee was engaged to David Foster and it reminded me of this song. Really liked it back in the day. Catchy tune. Hey, whatever happened to Taylor Hicks? This post brought to you by the year 2007 and a short blonde with an adorable face 😜xx

“Moving on and it’s my time. You never were a friend of mine. Hurt at first, a little bit But now I’m so over I’m so over it”

Windswept

Published on by Tosha Michelle41 Comments


I am not she.
The view is not the same.
I sit by roses but don’t
see the thorns.
Even after all these years,
still full of the blush
of wonder

My air is warm, fragrant.
My heart speaks of
watercolor nights and
a breathless yearning.

I’m wild for you, but not
afflicted. I recite charms
through verse and song
by a bending light.

I speak in sunlight even
when the cumuli
starts to gather. Lying
face down in the grass.
Hope imprinted on my cheek.

My heart bleeds in syntax.
Just a gleaming of my
streaming soul. Writing what
touches me best.
Love. Fear. Happenstance.
A trembling mind.

The punctuation peppered
with sea salt and caramel.

I steadfastly sit by the ocean
as the boats drift away.
I choose to contend with the
wind. Making a symphony
with the air.

Chopin playing against
the elements and tide.
Never just a passing note,
or a mere flash of a melody
burning or receding.

Here the pitch rings a psalm
of stormy serenity, a
rain-cleansed sun in a
perpetual state of grace.
The perverse strength
of fragility and hazel eyes.

-Tosha Michelle

My cover of “Almost Lover”
https://m.soundcloud.com/tosha-michelle2020/almost-lover

All I Ask

Published on by Tosha Michelle31 Comments

Happy Saturday, lovely ones. Tucker (the rock star cat) and I were listening to Adele last night, when the tune below came on, he crawled up in my lap. It made me laugh. I have a weird sense of humor. Here’s thr song. One of my favorites. Might do a cover of it one of these days. I’d have to be feeling really brave or really drunk though. Ha! Hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

“I will leave my heart at the door
I won’t say a word
They’ve all been said before you know
So why don’t we just play pretend
Like we’re not scared of what’s coming next
Or scared of having nothing left”

What If?

Published on by Tosha Michelle8 Comments


What happens in the chamber
of a narrow mind?
Does the air grow thin?
Does the dim light flicker?
What would happen if
a door opened?
If they dared to look beyond it? If they viewed the world as it is, cracked but not broken?
If they acknowledged not only voices that speak with the loudest inflections, but those small voices that bend?
Imagine if they saw liberty as
not just a ruse but something
that belongs to everyone?
The axis of the Earth not
just them, but you and me too.

-Tosha Michelle

And on an unrelated music note.