Winter Mindfulness 

Hey y’all. I mentioned taking some time off WP one post back, and I’m extending that break to the fall.  I may blog between now and then. I may not.  I don’t know. I do know I’m in one of my antisocial, introverted, melancholy moods.  I’m tired of humanity at the moment, or the lack thereof.  Imagine a world where empathy won out over apathy, where instead of me, me, me it was WE. Self absorption is killing us. I’m just as guilty of it as everyone else. 

Things always look better in the fall. Hopefully, the cooler weather will spark my creativity and energy. I’m blessed more than not.  This Debbie Downer thing will pass. In the meantime, be well.  Lots of love. 

Below you will find a poem and song.  Take care. 

Winter Mindset 

Calming breath as I walk in the cold. The sky cast in a sober shade of melancholy. On the ground a thin layer of snow, lined by my footprints, creating a circle. Feet that have lost their direction. No faith in the journey. My heart blue with evening. My soul in the dark hours. My mind in paraphrase.

Soon it will be a New Year. Time to let go of past regrets, focus on the now. Toss out our bad habits and scrawl a new list. Do I still have use for such things?

Soon January will mutate into February. Hibernation is a kind of conservation, I remind myself. I could live inside, sleep until spring comes. Let my dreams refurbishes and rehabilitate. No longer full of Cinderella wishes, but still so very wishful.

I’m not as young or as uncomplicated as I once was. My spirit has never been still. The future is an Edward Hopper’s painting, a lost penny on the side of the highway. Perhaps, this is what purgatory is like: the scent of falling snow, the taste of ash, the endless road of what was, the journey to what will be.

As I walk back inside. I catch a glimpse of myself in the living room window. For a moment, I see the reflection of the girl I used to be. Shy. Timid. Meek. She was always happy to linger in the hallway outside her life.

Would I go back to the days before I became unmoored, before my life accumulate in experience, sorrows, and lessons learned? I don’t think I would. A dust free existence isn’t really living, is it? The artful dodge is only artful for so long.

Perhaps, Purgatory really is where we understand the multiplicity of self. That what’s left for us, is what we make it. Maybe I’ve been trying too hard to remove myself from the syllables. Perhaps, there’s grace in the old nouns, adjectives, and verbs, and hope in the new ones. 

As I go to close the front door; I note my footprints, and how the snow looks brighter and softer in the half light. Could it be my steps have purpose, even if the heaven I’m looking for isn’t there?

-Tosha Michelle


48 thoughts on “Winter Mindfulness 

  1. Your heart is just asking you to look within instead of being busy, busy to block it. Much wisdom if we listen to her, in that silence within is much beauty. Dig, understand that pain, and be free…that is all she is asking ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks for that. I’m tired and burnt out. Feeling very cynical about people. This is new. . I know it’s just a season of misgivings and that my more trusting and loving side will resurface in time. Appreciate your support and positive thoughts . Hope you have a wonderful weekend full of good things.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I wonder if the criminal justice field is taking its toll, it is stressful, I have seen that in family members who work therein. But It’s people like you you who are striving to protect us from the predatious and cynical that helps remind me that humanity is not all predatious and cynical. Thank you, keep up the good work.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. You are going to be missed (by me), but you need the rest. Therefore, get well rested. I will wait for your return. Oh, worry not about your introvertedness. You would be a great lady to be around.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. “My mind in paraphrase”. Stunning description of a poet’s delimna and the task that underlies her craft. We are all so vulnerable. This brings some quiet tears, of gratitude mostly. Despite the doubts and vulnerability, the beauty of the longing comes through. I love the image and the metaphor of the footprints. It brings to mind Pooh Bear and Piglet carefully tracking themselves in the snow, but where they saw dangerous Heffalumps and Woozles, you see grace and the hope in identity and in that which makes us human (ie: words). And maybe even heaven still waits in those circles of reflective footsteps spiraling upwards as we care for one another. Truth is more in how we stand for one another when we can rather in what we know. I suspect you feel this.
    Thank you for the love and light, and sending some back your way. Lona

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Oh! That emoji translated not so well, hehe, it was meant as rocking rather than nursing a child, I gave the bottle, but never nursed, obviously 😏. But I did rock my kiddos and sang along with that song.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Had the chance to bounce a friend’s smiling nearly two year old curly headed boy in my arms at church, he just babbled and sparked right at me it was so sweet, that was it, I know I have stopped hitting snooze on my biological clock, I wanna grandkid! Don’t have much control over that part of the equation though 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I love this, Tosha Michelle. For your way with words painting sensed inner landscapes and maybe too for the recognition of it…
    I also get an image while reading your post of a seed being nurtured in the darkness of the soil, the womb and only when it’s time and ready will it grow through and upwards towards daylight and nightlight, any stage on such a journey is, in my view, sacred, in particular resting in the seemingly darkness.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. It’s good to get away from it all. It does help put a lot of things in perspective.

    I feel humans are equally the best & worst things in this universe of ours.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Humans can be quite depressing, so much self centered BS. But I’m not sure about the ‘winter’ thoughts though. You do know that it gets cold in the winter and that the word ‘winter’ is one of those dirty 4 letter words, right?

    Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s