Go Away. No, Wait a Minute.

I love humanity. I hate humanity. The poem below was written when I was in people overload. All my life I have been an over giver. I’m like a drunk trapped in a bar. The need to do good, to help people overwhelms at time. Mentally, it can be draining. Sadly, we can’t help everyone, we can’t fix everything. Perhaps, it should be said. love one another always, but don’t forget to love yourself in the process. Slow down. Breathe. Listen to your inner voice. Sometimes, we have to take care of ourselves, before we can care for others.
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Disconnect.

Thank you for the invitation
But I really must decline.
Please don’t call.
My heart is not at home.
I just want to be left alone.
Sometimes the reason
Doesn’t match the rhyme.
My love for humanity has taken a ride.
Verbal exhaustion
Mental fatigue.
Disconnected.
The number you have reached
Is no longer in service.
Please try again later

“Moods that take me, and erase me,. And I’m painted black”

Upon a Time…Once.

My cover of Taylor Swift’s Wildest Dreams

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Sublime Ends

Remember at the station, waiting

On the train, on that sultry summer day?

We stood lost in an embrace, breathing in

each other that way. that awful, terrible,

perfect mad and delicious way that took us

to the shrouded place.

Remember at the station that day, waiting

on the train, as the wind hummed a lovers tune?

She sang of sublime ends, from supple beginnings.

the alluring medley of serenity in a war of rhyme

on the sharp bloody edge of Neverland and Narnia,

the peaceful enchanting interlude of rage & myth.

Remember at the station, that day, as

the train churned closer and we cussed goodbye

His steam a prelude to our eternal kiss, the sun

soaked, never ending fuel of light, of love, of

heat. Basking and bathing,

merged and emerged and submerged,

Dancing and swaying in time

with golden chariot and the huntress.

Remember at the station that day, as

the train tugged away, on a endless track?

We gazed as it came — as it came — as it went

through the crossroads. We did not know,

our own separate, distant destinations,. Our own

rail-less wild paths cut into unimagined mountainsides

You to the west, me to the east.

Remember the station that day as

the train, conducted our last kiss?

That gaping wound where our lips met. Where

we learned cruel fate is hot love and all love is

the calamity of UN-armored battle. We all go under

wrong or right. Each of us blankets miles and the ground

is nothing but a shifting litter with irascible iridescent hope

and hurt-dulled dreams, unfulfilled plans and schemes.

Remember the station that day, waiting

in twilight until we forgot and traveled on, and on

alone, with only prayers of new Twilight to set

in stony slumber with hard solace of old loves loss

then found again.

-Tosha Michelle

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Comings and Goings.

The Life and Times of a Brat Called Tosha.

. I’m currently working on a new book. It is a self help parody. The title. Self Help to Self Harm; The Dubious Guide to Life, Love, and Relationships.  It’s a mixture of serious and silliness. ( much like the author)  I’m also working on a new book of poetry.

In academic news, I’ve decided to pursue a PhD in history. Yes, I am a masochist.

On the music front, I just did a cover of Someone to Watch Over Me. I hope you will give a listen. See below.  This blog has been entirely too Tosh centered. Next time, I promise to focus on topics that really matter- chocolate and guys name Tad.

It Kind of Is.

It Kind of Is.
By Tosha Michelle.

Miley and Nietzsche had it right.
It’s all about the climb.
I’ve charted many a mountain.
Hanging only by a thread.
Hope found in a spider’s web.
My limbs have felt like lead.
With bloody knuckles and knees.
Bruises for all to see.
I’ve ran into jagged impermeable stone.
Yet I rose higher and higher.
Fighting against the hourglass.
And dreams lost
I climbed.
Dragging myself toward the light.
Testing my worth.
I reached the summit in time to see
The dawning of the sun.
The breeze reborn, fresh as a new day.
I breathe in the substance of faith.
Exhaling doubt.

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Fields of Gold.

My cover of Sting’s Fields of Gold.

Choice

By Angela Morgan

I’d rather have the thought of you
To hold against my heart,
My spirit to be taught of you
With west winds blowing,
Than all the warm caresses
Of another love’s bestowing,
Or all the glories of the world
In which you had no part.

I’d rather have the theme of you
To thread my nights and days,
I’d rather have the dream of you
With faint stars glowing,
I’d rather have the want of you,
The rich, elusive taunt of you
Forever and forever and forever unconfessed
Than claim the alien comfort
Of any other’s breast.

O lover! O my lover,
That this should come to me!
I’d rather have the hope of you,
Ah, Love, I’d rather grope for you
Within the great abyss
Than claim another’s kiss-
Alone I’d rather go my way
Throughout eternity.

Fatigued

Thank you for the invitation
But I really must decline.
Please don’t call.
My heart is not at home.
I just want to be left alone.
Sometimes the reason
Doesn’t match the rhyme.
My love for humanity has taken a ride.
Verbal exhaustion
Mental fatigue.
Disconnected.
The number you have reached
Is no longer in service.
Please try again later

-Tosha Michelle

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Winter Wasteland

I step out into the winter of my mind.

Glancing around at the desolate architecture

Of walls with no doors.

Windows with no views.

Wrapped in sanity loose scarf.

I constantly beg for its touch.

My extremities crave its clarity and warmth.

The harsh chill of insecurity and doubt taunt me.

The frost of fear lingers in the air.

I expose myself to the elements.

The biting wind of change chills my static bones.

Forcing me to move.

The grey day is getting shorter.

I must find a way to make it over the frozen mountain of uncertainty.

I will not be a victim of my own circumstances.

The glow of resiliency lies just beyond the steel cages of my hypothermic mind

-Tosha Michelle

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On and Off

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On and Off

This last year was like Gilbert Gottfried’s voice.
Annoying and hard to forget.
Well-meaning, I suppose
And quite a funny darling to some.
This last year was akin to reading Kant
Difficult to understand and once learned
Excessively demanding in its requirements.
No lesson comes without pain.
There’s renewal in regret.
I run away from self-loathing and apathy
into stirring truths and shameless living.
And a new year made up of only sexy, sassy things.

-Tosha Michelle

 

Random song. This takes me back to London and the O2 The year-2009. There’s a story there. Next time.