Confessions of a Reformed Southern Belle: A Poet’s Collection of Love, Loss, and Renewal.

My book of poetry, Confessions of a Reformed Southern Belle: A Poet’s Collection of Love, Loss, and Renewal. is now available on Amazon. I would be honored if you read my words. I’m certainly no Whitman. I don’t claim to be. My poetry is simple and a reflection of me. You’ll find a melancholy, introspective, and somewhat snarky woman between the covers of the book. A woman who is no stranger to loss and heartache, but a woman who also has experienced love in its purest form, along with moments of great bliss. This book is an expression of my heart. Is it a work of art? I’ll let you be the judge. I can tell you, it was a labor of love. Be gentle.

I’d like to share the Foreword with you. Note, it was written by USA Today reporter, Ron Barnett.

Foreword
How do you write a foreword for a book of poetry that has you on the verge of tears, then laughter, then soaring through the high places only a true poet can take you? Hang on, and check your preconceptions, because Tosha Michelle is about to take you on a journey through depths of the heart, and you won’t return unchanged.
I have a particular bias in support of this beautiful woman-child, because I am the guy she calls “Dad.” I’m actually not her biological father, but I have loved her deeply since before I married her mother when Tosha was eight years old, and I’m pretty sure she feels the same way about me.
She was always a witty little girl, with an incredible imagination and a talent for storytelling. And growing up, she read – a lot. She had some vision difficulties and would hold a book right up to her nose to read, but it seemed like she could read from cover to cover in a few minutes. I’d like to take some credit for her writing, being a writer myself, but I think she soaked it in on her own mostly, through all that reading she did as a child. She developed a love of words and stories and the worlds they transported her to, and her talent blossomed as an adult.
She also spent a lot of time with her grandmother, and around the good folks of the small town of Walhalla, South Carolina, where she absorbed the Southern culture that marked her personality and writing style. She has broken that mold, as the title of this collection hints, but is forever marked by the richness of the Carolina ambiance. The pathos of love lost early in life, recollection of the pains of adolescence and self-doubt still haunt her sometimes, but she has found her salvation through creativity – through expressing those dark feelings in verse, and in her singing. (If you haven’t heard that, you’re in for another treat.)
I’ve been a writer and journalist for a long time, and part of that time as an editor. When I read material written by others, I invariably find myself mentally editing, changing things around to the way I would have written them. In this collection, however, I found very little that I would touch as an editor. Tosha has an incomparable sense of rhythm and diction and style that are uniquely hers.
I’m no poetry critic, and I am biased in this case, but I think you’ll agree with me that her poetry is for the ages. She’ll take you through the depths of melancholy and loneliness with “Yearning,” and sing a “Love Song to the South” that will take you back to a simpler, more beautiful time. She’ll have you cracking up with a poem about her cat, dancing with her “Goddess of the Night,” and ready to take on the world, with “One Voice.” One of my favorites is her expression of soaring of the universal soul in the Whitmanesque “Edges.”
And everything she writes cries out with the words of the poor little forgotten book on the shelf – Read Me! Go ahead and turn the page.

The Fox on The Run. Twenty Questions with NY Times Best Selling Author- Sylvain Reynard

00010ae4_medium

My thanks to SR. I apologizes for the formatting. WordPress is being cankerous. (GRR)

Randomness

1. If you were Alice, would you rather stay in Wonderland on the other side of the mirror, or come back to the real world to tell the tale?
Wonderland would be fascinating but I’d have to return to the real world.
2. Happiness is _____the satisfaction of all our deepest longings.

3. Can we have happiness without sadness? On occasion. But certainly not without marmalade.

4. An author with whom you would like to have lunch? Saul Bellow.

5. If you were a drink. What would you be? Why? A shot of Laphroaig Scotch. Neat.
I’m afraid the only answer to the ‘why’ question I can come up with is rather rude so I’d best leave it unanswered.
6. Once, the movie. Are you familiar with it?
No, I’m sorry to say.
7. Does darkness soothe you or frighten you?
Both. It depends on the kind of darkness and whether I’m carrying something that could be used as a defensive weapon.
8. If you ruled your own country, who would you get to write your national anthem?
JS Bach. Or Sting.
It’s a toss up, really.
9. What makes you nostalgic?
Classic children’s literature.
10. Narnia or Never Land?
Narnia.
11. Do you remember your dreams?
Yes. I dreamt of being a writer, once.
12. What’s your favorite time of day?
Morning, after I’ve had my first coffee.
13. What’s your favorite season?
Autumn.
14. Does pressure motivate you?
It can but it can also demotivate. So a balance needs to be struck. Speaking of which, when I lack demotivation, I turn to this helpful website: http://www.despair.com/demotivators.html
15. Would you rather live to write or write to live?
Live to write.
16. What published book do you secretly wish you had written?
The Brothers Karamazov.
17. Are you the paranoid type or calm, cool and collected?
Oh, I’m definitely paranoid. (Looks over shoulder)
Technically, one is not paranoid if there really are people who are trying to get you.
18. What would qualify as the afternoon of your dreams?
To spend the day in Florence at the Uffizi Gallery and then dine in a piazza.
19. Are you more like the sun or the moon?
Moon.
20. Do you hear voices?
Frequently.
They swear a lot.
Please tell our readers about your upcoming projects.

Thank you for inviting me to answer 20 questions and thanks for asking about my projects.

I have a new series coming out, which is set in the underworld of Florence. The first work, “The Prince,” is a novella that links the Gabriel Series with the new series. “The Prince” releases January 20th

http://www.amazon.com/Prince-Gabriels-Inferno-Florentine-Novella-ebook/dp/B00NUMIOY4/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1415028778&sr=8-1&keywords=the+prince+sylvain+reynard

index

Then “The Raven,” which is the first novel in the new series, releases February 3rd.

http://www.amazon.com/Raven-Florentine-Book-1-ebook/dp/B00KWG9JL8/ref=sr_1_2?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1415028884&sr=1-2&keywords=the+prince+sylvain+reynard

the-raven

 

Upon a Time Once.

girl-woman-rain-umbrella-train-railway-station-platform-suitcase
A Upon a Time Once.

What once was,
but never was.
A story left untold.
Tomorrow’s forever forestalled.
Today’s regrets,
Yesterday’s dreams.
Memories turned cold.
Lost in bittersweet’s
What could have been

-Tosha Michelle

Stay

Stay with me
And sit awhile
On the porch
In the swing
And sway
With me.

Stay with me
Hold my hand
Sing to me

Tell me stories
Of magic and pixie dust,
Of wrestling with dragons,
Riding unicorns,
Of a valiant prince, and
The damsel he so loved
Of Narnia and Elysium,
Far beyond, the looking glass

Before the Pied Piper plays his tune,
Before the clock strikes midnight,
Before the wolf bares his teeth,
Before the hourglass runs out,
While there’s still time,
To wish upon a star,

Stay with me
And sit awhile
On the porch
In the swing
And sway
While once upon a time
Slowly fades away…

-Tosha Michelle

CAPTAIN SCARLET

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”
Anaïs Nin, The Diary of Anaïs Nin, Vol. 1: 1931-193

 I wrote the poem below for my mentor and dear friend Colin Smith. He had just turned fifty the time. I wanted to honor this milestone in some way. You see Colin has changed my world for the better. His guidance and support have been invaluable. He has taught me to see the sublime in the ridiculous, to slow down, to breathe, to be at peace with the world. (The world is easy; it’s me, I still struggle with). Mr. Lovely has been instrumental in awakening my rebel spirit, a spirit that no longer sits meekly and quietly in the background, paralyzed by fear and insecurities. I have found my voice and purpose in life. .We are not meant to be stagnant. We are meant to move, to be, and to give back. We can change the world for the better (Tosha 2016. Rock the vote).. I’ve grown and blossomed so much through my interactions with this soulful Brit. Colin will always have my undying gratitude and affection. He’s a bit of a paradox, a punk rocker and an academic Ph.D. in one hand, guitar in the other, Professor and hellion. This poem attempts to chronicle his journey it’s not my best bit of poetry. I warned you. It may not be a work of art, but it was a labor of love.
Note- the quoted lines are lyrics from Colin’s songs.

5610_1097078906679_1217814536_30270654_6549854_n

CAPTAIN SCARLET
ByTosha Michelle

I

“Every since I was a child all my dreams been running wild”

A baby is born with the heart of a warrior.
A restless spirit, a soul full of magic
In need of a place to call his own.
Into his life walks a beautiful woman.
Singing to him her sweet motherly song.
He will be her son now, and she will be his protection and hope.
These are the days of security and peace.
A blessed refuge and reprieve, but alas not meant to be.

II
“Hate is like a battle, love is like a war”

A little boy grows feeling lost and alone.
Clinging to his mother, she alone is his home.
Escaping from his father who is militant and mean,
Berated and bullied it’s always a scene.
He loses himself in rockets and dreams.
These are the days of fear and survival,
Where contempt and abuse are his arch rivals.

III
“My adolescent dreams are nightmares in the streams.”

A teenager he becomes, defiance his mantra,
He’s out on the streets, looking for peace.
Drugs and needles he seeks. Hedonism and Dionysus he meets.
A life on the brink Chaos and havoc he reaps.
These are the days of excess and rebellion
A manic season of an outlaw and hellion.

IV
“We’re the kids from the block we know how to rock.”

Adulthood finds him a punk rocker with the band.
Girls and guitars, he’s pissing on czars.
His future looks grand. A rebel is taking a stand.
JJ, The Cardinal, -The Blood is the plan.
These are the days of desires and extremes,
Fighting the establishment and rocking sweet, sultry things.

V
“Loving you religiously is doing in my brain.”

A man full grown now at 25 he’s half-way to today.
The girl of his dreams, a bonnie lass is she,
He takes as his bride and a life of passion they lead.
In a few years, a daughter comes along.
Filling her daddy’s heart with song
These are the days of stability and chaos,
Anguish and bliss, and love not without risks.

VI
” I don’t want fortune. I don’t want fame. I want a piece of history.”

A time of changes comes on strong with 30’s drumbeat marching on.
His mind begins yearning as he develops a hunger for learning,
His thoughts, they are a turning, his soul burning.
Off to college, he goes. The seeds of knowledge sown.
These are the days of highs and lows,
Of books and enlightenment and he grows.

VII
“The bouquet of insanity left me a wreck, but I won’t forget.”

The 40”s find him on his own; his family gone.
Somehow, somewhere, someway it all went wrong,
Some things in life are not meant to be.
Sorrow is all he sees, but time moves on.
Through adversity, he finds his strength.
The depth of his spirit, humanity is his link.
Finding his Magna Charta, he realized his purpose.
Justice and liberty become his new song,
A magnum opus for us all.
These are the days of devotion and emotions,
His soul for humanity is causing a commotion.

VIII
“The road less traveled, it’s the one I’m own”

At 50 now what will be will be.
He has miles to go before he sleeps; He cannot rest life is still a test,
But his future is anything but bleak, His spirit far from weak.
Riding out the highs and lows, Tempering the desires and extremes,
Ordering security and chaos, Challenging the unchallengeable dream.
Understanding from experience, he fights the true outlaws and hellions
Humanity his devotion.. Lost in emotions

These will be the days of Renewal and Survival. Rebirth and Revival
A rebel causing a commotion, a life in full motion.

l_58010b6e3dc4465a9ef4be117954161c

Midnight in the Garden of My Mind. (someone get the weed whacker)

Random  thought of the day- If Lady Gaga and The Goo Dolls went on the road together; would they call it the Gaga Goo Goo Tour? By the way, why does Gaga live for the bear claws?

But, seriously….
Introspective thought of the day.- I have come to realizes that; I’ll always be a square peg, just trying to fit in, one foot in this world, the other, God knows where. Hopefully not in Crocs. UGH! Although, happiness is within and surrounds me, there will always be an undertone of sadness and melancholy that resides and resonant to my core. I welcome these emotions with open arms because I am a masochist. I also have a lady boner for that old sod, Heathcliff (the moors, the angst, etc) Did I just type lady boner?

In addition to being maudlin,  I am a restless spirit, a spirit who has pieces and shards of interest splayed out in every possible creative direction. But to each its ultimate standard of expertise I can’t seem to reach fully.. Sometimes, I feel like my heart is flying in over my head, bouncing off the walls, the ceilings, yet confined within a certain room. Striving to break free and soar.

I believe I can fly.
Still trying to find my wings.
While I look, grab a pacifier and blankie. Give a listen.

60013_583955981620348_12724097_n

Dear Men (this one’s for you)

Dear Men,

It’s been awhile since I wrote. In my last letter, I praised you, criticized you, and gave you a few pointers. This note will be no different. See the list that follows.

Tips and dips. You’re welcome.

1.   Love us for our hearts and minds, and we’ll rock you with our bodies.
2.   Tears are not a sign of weakness. It’s OK to be sensitive (unless you’re crying because you have nothing to wear, or you missed a real housewives episode)
3.   There are two places tighty whities belong, on babies, or in the trash.
4.   The vacuum cleaner and mop will not bite you.  Go ahead, try them on for size. I dare you.
5.   Sometimes all we need to hear is “No, honey, let me do it.”
6.   Cologne is sexy, but no need to bathe in it.
7.   A kiss on the hand at the right time can be quite lovely, at the wrong time, equally as creepy.
8.   By all means be the man in the relationship when it comes to killing bugs, or opening jars. We don’t mind.
9.   However, never tell us what to do. EVER!
10.  We want to be your muses but not in a sleazy photographer kind of way. We long to bring out your inner Shakespeare, not Larry Flynt
11.  Withhold nothing. We need to know where all the carbon go, and why prime numbers remain a mystery. I’m looking at you, Riemann hypothesis.  Why is it all so weird? Oh and everyone you have ever dated, and what you had for lunch, and how your day was, and what your brother said on the phone. Etc.
12.  Your mother was right, manners matter. Prove to us chivalry is not dead.
13.  Please don’t tell us to calm down. You calm down!
14.  I mentioned this last time but felt the need to reiterate, no, we do not want to see a picture of the little engine that could.
15.    Just because your friends might find us appealing, doesn’t mean we want to to be with them. (unless your friends are Timothy Olyphant or Jon Stewart)
16.  Please talk about your feelings. We want to know what’s going on in those heads of yours. However, we don’t have to have a come to Jesus meeting  or an Oprah moment.
17.  Douchebaggerty is never a winning look. Wear compassion and humanity instead.
18.  There’s nothing hotter than a man with tools, unless, it’s a man with a book.
19.  We like wearing your old college sweatshirt or sleeping in your t-shirt. Prepare to share. It makes us feel close to you.
20.  All we need is affection, attention, love, chocolate  and a guy with a big…………………………………………………………….

brain.

Until, next time gents,

Fondly,

T.

PS. This guy is sexy.

men-feminism-e1372102217532

As an aside, I’m obsessed with this song. Yes, I am channeling my inner 16 year old. No judgement, please.

Taylor Swift “Wildest Dreams” lyrics

He said let’s get out of this town
Drive out of the city
Away from the crowds
I thought heaven can’t help me now
Nothing lasts forever
But this is gonna take me down
He’s so tall, and handsome as hell
He’s so bad but he does it so well
I can see the end as it begins my one condition is

Say you’ll remember me
Standing in a nice dress, staring at the sun set babe
Red lips and rosy cheeks
Say you’ll see me again even if it’s just in your wildest dreams
Wildest dreams

I say no one has to know what we do
His hands are in my hair, his clothes are in my room
And his voice is a familiar sound, nothing lasts forever
But this is getting good now
He’s so tall, and handsome as hell
He’s so bad but he does it so well
And when we’ve had our very last kiss
But my last request is

Say you’ll remember me
Standing in a nice dress, staring at the sun set babe
Red lips and rosy cheeks
Say you’ll see me again even if it’s just in your wildest dreams
Wildest dreams

You see me in hindsight
Tangled up with you all night
Burn it down
Some day when you leave me
I bet these memories hunt you around
You see me in hindsight
Tangled up with you all night
Burn it down
Some day when you leave me
I bet these memories follow you around

Say you’ll remember me
Standing in a nice dress, staring at the sun set babe
Red lips and rosy cheeks
Say you’ll see me again even if it’s just pretend

Say you’ll remember me
Standing in a nice dress, staring at the sun set babe
Red lips and rosy cheeks
Say you’ll see me again even if it’s just in your wildest dreams
Wildest dreams
Even if it’s just in your wildest dreams
In your wildest dreams

Twenty Random Questions with Children of the Canyon’s Author-David Kukoff

  1. If you were Alice, would you rather stay in Wonderland on the other side of the mirror, or come back to the real world to tell your story?

NO BRAINER – COME BACK AND TELL MY STORY. UNLESS THE MAD HATTER SERVED TACOS BY LEO (MY FAVORITE LA TACO TRUCK) AS HIS DAILY TEA SNACK; THEN IT’D BE A TOSS-UP.

  1. Do you sing in the shower?

YES – AND ON KEY.

  1. What childhood fear do you still have as an adult?

HEIGHTS.

  1. An author with whom you would like to have lunch?

TIM O’BRIEN.

  1. Do you wake up at night to read or write?

ONLY WHEN MY DREAMS ARE BORING ME.

  1. Do you feel anxious or excited when you start to write?

DEPENDS ON HOW PREPARED I AM. WHEN I’VE ALREADY WORKED OUT IN MY HEAD WHAT I’M GOING TO WRITE, I’M EXCITED TO WRASSLE WITH THE MOTHER TONGUE.

  1. Does darkness soothe you or frighten you?

NEITHER – IT’S WHERE I LIVE, BABY. THINK WATER :: FISH.

  1. If you ruled your own country, who would you get to write your national anthem?

JONI MITCHELL.

  1. What makes you nostalgic?

MY KIDS.

  1. Does love dry up your creative juices or make them flow faster?

DRIES ‘EM UP. ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE ISN’T REALLY IN LOVE.

  1. Do you remember your dreams?

SOMETIMES – SEE ANSWER TO #5.

  1. What’s your favorite color?

TOO MANY ANSWERS, BUT HERE ARE A FEW SAMPLES: TO WEAR, BLACK. TO DRIVE, GREENISH KHAKI. TO DATE, THE FULL RAINBOW COALITION.

  1. What’s your favorite season?

ANYTHING THAT’S NOT WINTER.

  1. Does pressure motivate you?

IF IT COMES IN THE FORM OF A DEADLINE, YES.

  1. Would you rather live to write or write to live?

I’VE DONE THE LATTER, AND IT MAKES YOU A HELL OF A LOT MORE GRATEFUL FOR THE FORMER. CAN YOU DO BOTH? I’M ON THE VERGE OF PULLING THAT ONE OFF NOW, I THINK.

  1. What published book do you secretly wish you had written?

WHITE NOISE. AND NOT SECRETLY, EITHER.

  1. Are you the paranoid type or calm, cool and collected?

NEITHER, REALLY.

  1. What would qualify as the afternoon of your dreams?

DRIVING MY CONVERTIBLE AROUND ALL MY FAVORITE NEIGHBORHOODS IN LOS ANGELES, ENDING ON THE BEACH.

  1. Are you more like the sun or the moon?

DESPITE MY GLIB ANSWER TO #7, THE SUN. I’M ACTUALLY A PRETTY UPBEAT PERSON.

  1. Do you hear voices?

EVERY WRITER SHOULD, AT TIMES. RIGHT?

 

I’d like to thank David for taking time out of his busy life to participate in this blog post. I do have to wonder why he felt the need to yell at us. (Kidding) Here’s a little more about David and his poignant coming age novel Children of The Canyon.

 

About David:
“I put every syllable of a novel through the wringer hundreds of times to measure everything from connotation to rhythm.”

“A native Angeleno and graduate of Columbia University and UCLA Film School, David Kukoff has eleven produced film and television credits to his name (including the hit Disney movies “Model Behavior” with Justin Timberlake and Kathie Lee Gifford and “Switching Goals” with the Olsen Twins). Following a spec screenplay sale that made the front page of Variety, he went on to write for every studio and network in Hollywood, publish two books on film and television writing, and be the subject of numerous features in Variety, Entertainment Weekly, The Hollywood Reporter, and KCET’s award-winning “Life And Times Tonight.”

Mr. Kukoff has also taught writing at Northwestern (where he was elected to the university’s Faculty Honor Roll in his first year), UCLA, and NYU, served as a guest editor for UK academic publisher Palgrave MacMillan, and been featured as a guest lecturer at UCLA’s Faculty Lecture Series at Lake Arrowhead.”

Children Of The Canyon

Children of the Canyon tells the story of David, a boy growing up in LA’s fabled Laurel Canyon neighborhood as the 1960s counterculture is coming to an end.

David’s record producer father works with the reclusive former leader of a surf music band on an album that promises to elevate the legacies of both men to immortal status. His distant, peripatetic mother rides the waves of activism and feminism in and out of David’s life. The elusive Topanga, named for the city’s last remaining Eden, whom David meets on the beach the night of his parents’ separation continues to elude his futile attempts to reconnect with her throughout the decade.

Through David’s eyes, we bear witness to the fallout from the California Dream’s malfunction: the ruined families, failed revolutionaries, curdled musical idealism, and, ultimately, the rise of the conservatism that put the country on its present path.

408ab27e35dd74a629fa2676debcfa87

Beauty and the Self Conscious Beast.

Imperfection and flaws are beautiful no matter how strange or dysfunctional they may be. We all strive for perfection, but it is an unattainable, elusive dream. OK, unless you are Timothy Olyphant! Hubba, friggin hubba.

390_1timothy_olyphant_2

But I digress….

We all have things we would like to change about ourselves. Learning to accept that we are perfectly imperfect is the key to peace of mind and giving our mirrors a much-needed reprieve.  Let’s own our flaws and make them fabulous. Idiosyncrasies should be embraced. How boring life would be without them?
We women especially put so much effort, into our hair, makeup and dress, setting such a high standard by comparing ourselves to others when we should just learn to love ourselves for who we are, flaws and all. Those flaws are what make us uniquely us. Let’s learn to be confident in our insecurities. Our fears do not define our worth, nor naysayers out to cast their stones. Let’s declare our independence from self-doubt.  Remember, under all those gorgeous dresses, lovely hats, and winning smile, even Kate Middleton probably has a few quirky qualities about her, like drinking milk straight from the cartoon, or something deranged like that.
563556_417601488255799_245705443_n

City Haze-by Tosha Michelle

City Haze
by Tosha Michelle

Dance with me in the city haze,
Through September grooves.
under the beauty of a harvest moon,
in pattern fields of amber.
Colored by a heavenly mist, dust of serenity.
We’ll set the night ablaze.
While the shadows enfold us
as the willow whispers
And the wind sings us a melodic tune.
Our imagination sets the beat.
We’ll find solace and cohesion,
As melancholy drains away
on cracked sidewalks of urban decay.

city-hazy-blurred-unsharp-night-rain-1920x1080