He hides his coldness behind a mask of charm.
His true intentions only to disarm.
Lies escape his lips
That never tell.
He plays the game so well.
He is an obsession
A handsome vision
With one glance you’ll be smitten.
He’ll wrap you up tight in his contradictions.
Fanning the flames
Of your incineration.
-Tosha Michelle
Invictus ~ poem by William Ernest Henley with text: http://youtu.be/LZRSPyvy23w
We grow and learn from every trial and test. Listen to the words of Henley. He wrote ” Invictus” in the midst of tragedy. As a child, he had tuberculosis. In his twenties, he came down with an infection that stemmed from his childhood illness. As a result, he had to have his leg amputated . However, even at such a young age, he knew he was captain of his destiny. His soul and spirit were invincible. He refused to be broken. In later years, Henley would recite his poem as a mantra whenever he felt his courage waning. We can let adversity define us, or we can as Henley did, turn our weakest moments into our greatest triumphs
Disclaimer…wonky formatting….I have no clue why…banging my head against the desk and asking the universe…whyyyyyyyyyy? (dramatic sigh)
Anyway……………………………….
I have my moments of boisterous and loud behavior,
usually, when I am angry or excited over the prospect
of chocolate, or a new book; but mostly, I prefer to live
a reflective quiet existence. I freely give my time and
resources and often share more than I should. I
sometimes find myself over extended. I love to analyze
things to death. I am a classic over-thinker…digging and
examining issues, putting myself in the heart of
difficult situations. It makes for an interesting life.
But I feel strongly that love should be given freely
and without fear.
I truly believe we are not alone in this world.
Everything is alive. Everything is conscious.
Everything is our friend. We are all part of the
universe. We are one, and it’s up to us to make the world
a better place. Life is in us and all around us.
“The really important kind of freedom involves
attention and awareness and discipline, and being able
truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for
them over and over in myriad petty, unsexy ways every
day.”
-David Foster Wallace.
“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”
― Anaïs Nin, The Diary of Anaïs Nin, Vol. 1: 1931-193
I wrote the poem below for my mentor and dear friend Colin Smith. He had just turned fifty the time. I wanted to honor this milestone in some way. You see Colin has changed my world for the better. His guidance and support have been invaluable. He has taught me to see the sublime in the ridiculous, to slow down, to breathe, to be at peace with the world. (The world is easy; it’s me, I still struggle with). Mr. Lovely has been instrumental in awakening my rebel spirit, a spirit that no longer sits meekly and quietly in the background, paralyzed by fear and insecurities. I have found my voice and purpose in life. .We are not meant to be stagnant. We are meant to move, to be, and to give back. We can change the world for the better (Tosha 2016. Rock the vote).. I’ve grown and blossomed so much through my interactions with this soulful Brit. Colin will always have my undying gratitude and affection. He’s a bit of a paradox, a punk rocker and an academic Ph.D. in one hand, guitar in the other, Professor and hellion. This poem attempts to chronicle his journey it’s not my best bit of poetry. I warned you. It may not be a work of art, but it was a labor of love.
Note- the quoted lines are lyrics from Colin’s songs.
CAPTAIN SCARLET
ByTosha Michelle
I
“Every since I was a child all my dreams been running wild”
A baby is born with the heart of a warrior.
A restless spirit, a soul full of magic
In need of a place to call his own.
Into his life walks a beautiful woman.
Singing to him her sweet motherly song.
He will be her son now, and she will be his protection and hope.
These are the days of security and peace.
A blessed refuge and reprieve, but alas not meant to be.
II
“Hate is like a battle, love is like a war”
A little boy grows feeling lost and alone.
Clinging to his mother, she alone is his home.
Escaping from his father who is militant and mean,
Berated and bullied it’s always a scene.
He loses himself in rockets and dreams.
These are the days of fear and survival,
Where contempt and abuse are his arch rivals.
III
“My adolescent dreams are nightmares in the streams.”
A teenager he becomes, defiance his mantra,
He’s out on the streets, looking for peace.
Drugs and needles he seeks. Hedonism and Dionysus he meets.
A life on the brink Chaos and havoc he reaps.
These are the days of excess and rebellion
A manic season of an outlaw and hellion.
IV
“We’re the kids from the block we know how to rock.”
Adulthood finds him a punk rocker with the band.
Girls and guitars, he’s pissing on czars.
His future looks grand. A rebel is taking a stand.
JJ, The Cardinal, -The Blood is the plan.
These are the days of desires and extremes,
Fighting the establishment and rocking sweet, sultry things.
V
“Loving you religiously is doing in my brain.”
A man full grown now at 25 he’s half-way to today.
The girl of his dreams, a bonnie lass is she,
He takes as his bride and a life of passion they lead.
In a few years, a daughter comes along.
Filling her daddy’s heart with song
These are the days of stability and chaos,
Anguish and bliss, and love not without risks.
VI
” I don’t want fortune. I don’t want fame. I want a piece of history.”
A time of changes comes on strong with 30’s drumbeat marching on.
His mind begins yearning as he develops a hunger for learning,
His thoughts, they are a turning, his soul burning.
Off to college, he goes. The seeds of knowledge sown.
These are the days of highs and lows,
Of books and enlightenment and he grows.
VII
“The bouquet of insanity left me a wreck, but I won’t forget.”
The 40”s find him on his own; his family gone.
Somehow, somewhere, someway it all went wrong,
Some things in life are not meant to be.
Sorrow is all he sees, but time moves on.
Through adversity, he finds his strength.
The depth of his spirit, humanity is his link.
Finding his Magna Charta, he realized his purpose.
Justice and liberty become his new song,
A magnum opus for us all.
These are the days of devotion and emotions,
His soul for humanity is causing a commotion.
VIII
“The road less traveled, it’s the one I’m own”
At 50 now what will be will be.
He has miles to go before he sleeps; He cannot rest life is still a test,
But his future is anything but bleak, His spirit far from weak.
Riding out the highs and lows, Tempering the desires and extremes,
Ordering security and chaos, Challenging the unchallengeable dream.
Understanding from experience, he fights the true outlaws and hellions
Humanity his devotion.. Lost in emotions
These will be the days of Renewal and Survival. Rebirth and Revival
A rebel causing a commotion, a life in full motion.
Random thought of the day- If Lady Gaga and The Goo Dolls went on the road together; would they call it the Gaga Goo Goo Tour? By the way, why does Gaga live for the bear claws?
But, seriously….
Introspective thought of the day.- I have come to realizes that; I’ll always be a square peg, just trying to fit in, one foot in this world, the other, God knows where. Hopefully not in Crocs. UGH! Although, happiness is within and surrounds me, there will always be an undertone of sadness and melancholy that resides and resonant to my core. I welcome these emotions with open arms because I am a masochist. I also have a lady boner for that old sod, Heathcliff (the moors, the angst, etc) Did I just type lady boner?
In addition to being maudlin, I am a restless spirit, a spirit who has pieces and shards of interest splayed out in every possible creative direction. But to each its ultimate standard of expertise I can’t seem to reach fully.. Sometimes, I feel like my heart is flying in over my head, bouncing off the walls, the ceilings, yet confined within a certain room. Striving to break free and soar.
I believe I can fly.
Still trying to find my wings.
While I look, grab a pacifier and blankie. Give a listen.
Imperfection and flaws are beautiful no matter how strange or dysfunctional they may be. We all strive for perfection, but it is an unattainable, elusive dream. OK, unless you are Timothy Olyphant! Hubba, friggin hubba.
But I digress….
We all have things we would like to change about ourselves. Learning to accept that we are perfectly imperfect is the key to peace of mind and giving our mirrors a much-needed reprieve. Let’s own our flaws and make them fabulous. Idiosyncrasies should be embraced. How boring life would be without them?
We women especially put so much effort, into our hair, makeup and dress, setting such a high standard by comparing ourselves to others when we should just learn to love ourselves for who we are, flaws and all. Those flaws are what make us uniquely us. Let’s learn to be confident in our insecurities. Our fears do not define our worth, nor naysayers out to cast their stones. Let’s declare our independence from self-doubt. Remember, under all those gorgeous dresses, lovely hats, and winning smile, even Kate Middleton probably has a few quirky qualities about her, like drinking milk straight from the cartoon, or something deranged like that.
City Haze
by Tosha Michelle
Dance with me in the city haze,
Through September grooves.
under the beauty of a harvest moon,
in pattern fields of amber.
Colored by a heavenly mist, dust of serenity.
We’ll set the night ablaze.
While the shadows enfold us
as the willow whispers
And the wind sings us a melodic tune.
Our imagination sets the beat.
We’ll find solace and cohesion,
As melancholy drains away
on cracked sidewalks of urban decay.
I Don’t Want to be Just Like You.
By Tosha Michelle.
If we lose our individuality,
We lose what’s make us unique.
I don’t want to be just like you.
I don’t want you to be just like me.
Imagine if we were all the same.
A paradigm of indistinguishability
The world would be innate and banal.
We’ve walk around in a zombiified state,
trapped in our own egalitarian but bromidicdevices.
The world needs diversity.
There’s a rightness and purity in being different.
We’re all family, our mélange makes us beautiful.
Our commonality is our humanity, rooted in love we grow.
Wrecked Head.
by Tosha Michelle.
Some days I am lucid and full of wisdom
But then there are those days when my mind
Is invaded by hoarders, the clutter
Littering my brain
In these times, I am at lost as to where to begin
There’s no filtering my thoughts.
My mind is in overdrive.
Like a hyper active teen strung out on meth.
My eyes glazed over, lost in a surreal dream.
A million thoughts float around me.
I try to grasp just one.
But they’re are elusive,
Just beyond my reach.
All I can do is wait.
For gravity and clarity to kick back in.
Everything I Never Told You 