I really hate self promotion. My friend Andy is a pro at it. I’m borrowing a page from him. Please check out my latest book
Self Help to Self Harm: The Dubious Guide to Life, Love, and Relationships.
Hey, I didn’t say the page I borrowed wasn’t obnoxious. The Bold and Annoying.
But I digress ( don’t I always?)
Self Help to Self Harm: The Dubious Guide to Life, Love, and Relationships. (can’t stop, won’t stop)
is a humorous, tongue-in-cheek look at life, love, and relationships, tempered by moments of serious introspection. This book won’t get you laid, help you lose ten pounds, cure your addictions, or draw you closer to God or Starbucks (whatever you worship).
Way to sell it, right? Hopefully, it will make you chuckle and cause you to rethink your One Direction hate.
If you like it, I’d really appreciate if you would consider leaving a review on Amazon, GoodReads, and Barnes&Noble. If you don’t like it..well…keep that sh** to yourself. Kidding.
I’ve been in a non stop creative mood. The muses are strong with me. Creativity in overdrive. I want to write, to paint, to make music….there’s a vitality, a life force, and energy, moving within me. I want to transform ..to move…to BE.
I’m such a dork!
This is my cover of Sting’s Fields of Gold.
I won my first ever Gabie. The category.
The Krispy Kreme award
such an honor. (tears) 😉
Sexual Healing.
Sex shouldn’t be a commodity or used as leverage or bait.
It’s shouldn’t be a means of exploitation or slut shaming.
It should be consensual and physical but not one dimensional
For me it’s spiritual, soulful,-a expression of life and love.
It’s emotional-rooted in commitment and true intimacy.
Society encourages us to settle for less
The media, music, television, tells us sex is just a feel good feeling.
Pleasure alone.
But true fulfillment comes when we combine the physical with the emotional.
This is just one flawed romantic’s view.
“Your naked body should only belong to those who fall in love with your naked soul.” ― Charles Chaplin
“We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in the slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”
C.S. Lewis
I tend to be either deeply philosophical or deeply silly. I’ll let you decide where my mood falls tonight.
Dear Men,
I know you live for my letters. The tips that just keep on giving. In that vein, I present my latest top ten list. Take notes.
1. We women like to be taken but not in a way that requires our fathers to bring out their particular set of skills. You know the ones they have acquired over their long career. No, we want be taken up against the wall, on the kitchen counter, on your desk, etc. We love to feel wanted and desirable.
2. Pet names can be very sweet. However, don’t make them too cutesy. There’s nothing sexy about being called Kissy Kibbles, Schnookums or Licky Sticky Poo.
3. It is never appropriate to call us a bit** or by your ex-girlfriend’s name.
4.You don’t fake foreplay. We won’t fake an orgasm.
5. Ladies first. See number 4.
6. There’s something extremely sexy about a man who can recite Shakespeare while listening to Bach as he fixes a leaky pipe.
7. Be romantic. Note, sometimes being romantic simply means doing the laundry.
8. Listen to us, dam*it
9. You’re adorable when you are shaving, driving, being kind to your mother, holding a baby. etc.
It’s been awhile since I wrote. In my last letter, I praised you, criticized you, and gave you a few pointers. This note will be no different. See the list that follows.
Tips and dips. You’re welcome.
1. Love us for our hearts and minds, and we’ll rock you with our bodies.
2. Tears are not a sign of weakness. It’s OK to be sensitive (unless you’re crying because you have nothing to wear, or you missed a real housewives episode)
3. There are two places tighty whities belong, on babies, or in the trash.
4. The vacuum cleaner and mop will not bite you. Go ahead, try them on for size. I dare you.
5. Sometimes all we need to hear is “No, honey, let me do it.”
6. Cologne is sexy, but no need to bathe in it.
7. A kiss on the hand at the right time can be quite lovely, at the wrong time, equally as creepy.
8. By all means be the man in the relationship when it comes to killing bugs, or opening jars. We don’t mind.
9. However, never tell us what to do. EVER!
10. We want to be your muses but not in a sleazy photographer kind of way. We long to bring out your inner Shakespeare, not Larry Flynt
11. Withhold nothing. We need to know where all the carbon go, and why prime numbers remain a mystery. I’m looking at you, Riemann hypothesis. Why is it all so weird? Oh and everyone you have ever dated, and what you had for lunch, and how your day was, and what your brother said on the phone. Etc.
12. Your mother was right, manners matter. Prove to us chivalry is not dead.
13. Please don’t tell us to calm down. You calm down!
14. I mentioned this last time but felt the need to reiterate, no, we do not want to see a picture of the little engine that could.
15. Just because your friends might find us appealing, doesn’t mean we want to to be with them. (unless your friends are Timothy Olyphant or Jon Stewart)
16. Please talk about your feelings. We want to know what’s going on in those heads of yours. However, we don’t have to have a come to Jesus meeting or an Oprah moment.
17. Douchebaggerty is never a winning look. Wear compassion and humanity instead.
18. There’s nothing hotter than a man with tools, unless, it’s a man with a book.
19. We like wearing your old college sweatshirt or sleeping in your t-shirt. Prepare to share. It makes us feel close to you.
20. All we need is affection, attention, love, chocolate and a guy with a big…………………………………………………………….
brain.
Until, next time gents,
Fondly,
T.
PS. This guy is sexy.
As an aside, I’m obsessed with this song. Yes, I am channeling my inner 16 year old. No judgement, please.
Taylor Swift “Wildest Dreams” lyrics
He said let’s get out of this town
Drive out of the city
Away from the crowds
I thought heaven can’t help me now
Nothing lasts forever
But this is gonna take me down
He’s so tall, and handsome as hell
He’s so bad but he does it so well
I can see the end as it begins my one condition is
Say you’ll remember me
Standing in a nice dress, staring at the sun set babe
Red lips and rosy cheeks
Say you’ll see me again even if it’s just in your wildest dreams
Wildest dreams
I say no one has to know what we do
His hands are in my hair, his clothes are in my room
And his voice is a familiar sound, nothing lasts forever
But this is getting good now
He’s so tall, and handsome as hell
He’s so bad but he does it so well
And when we’ve had our very last kiss
But my last request is
Say you’ll remember me
Standing in a nice dress, staring at the sun set babe
Red lips and rosy cheeks
Say you’ll see me again even if it’s just in your wildest dreams
Wildest dreams
You see me in hindsight
Tangled up with you all night
Burn it down
Some day when you leave me
I bet these memories hunt you around
You see me in hindsight
Tangled up with you all night
Burn it down
Some day when you leave me
I bet these memories follow you around
Say you’ll remember me
Standing in a nice dress, staring at the sun set babe
Red lips and rosy cheeks
Say you’ll see me again even if it’s just pretend
Say you’ll remember me
Standing in a nice dress, staring at the sun set babe
Red lips and rosy cheeks
Say you’ll see me again even if it’s just in your wildest dreams
Wildest dreams
Even if it’s just in your wildest dreams
In your wildest dreams
Everything I Never Told You 