Goodbye Neverland

 

This is a poem I wrote about the loss of friendship.See below.  At the time, I wasn’t ready to embrace letting go.  It’s funny how we meet certain people and just know they are fated to be in our lives forever, but the universe has different plans. Reflecting back, I now understand that not all friendships are meant to last although every friendship has a purpose.  Friends come into our life for a reason. They offer us just what we need at that particular moment in our lives..They help us grow…that growth could take a week, 6 months or years, but when we have arrived at our spiritual destination it is time to move on, time to let go..Letting go is never easy. It hurts!  But the best thing we can do for ourselves is to keep looking forward and believe that everything is as it’s meant to be.

Letting go means letting go of fear. letting go of guilt, and letting go of blame.. Don’t be afraid to move on. People will always fall away, and hey sometimes they fall back.. However, we have to live in the now, to know that for the time being we’ve learned all we can from them. Don’t grieve for what is lost but rejoice for what was. Friendships are sacred and they reflect who we are. Just as we change so do they. Things don’t happen to us. They happen for us.

If there’s one lesson life has taught me is the only constant in this world are the hands of time and change..Roll with it…

Goodbye Neverland

Sunny days, walking along the beach

Collecting fragile seashells and memories;

That must not to be overlooked or forgotten.

Sitting and basking in the sublime breeze

As the tides rolled in, lulling us with a sense of peace.

We talked about books, politics and philosophy

And we argued about the latest trends;

All the while we reflected on life in all its intricacies,

As we marveled at the crystal blue waters;

Like a marvelous friendship that never seemed to end.

Blanketed by serene winds belonging to no land,

I sat with my lost-boy from Never-Never-land.

The dreamy landscape forever expanding

We were taken away to mystic distant realms afar.

Suddenly the clouds rolled in,

The wind turned cold and the sky dark and gray.

I reached for your hand thinking,

We will run and hide from the rain together; but

You were nowhere to be found.

Left alone with the ominous sounds of waves

Crashing on the shore, I called out for you, but

The thunder cracked the air, silencing my breath away.

Where did you go my friend?

I need you now to guide me home.

Who will help me board up the windows?

I cannot secure the house all tight alone all night.

Was it just an illusion, thinking you would stand with me and fight?

How could you leave me alone battling the storms?

Consumed with pain and fear for our friendship so fragile,

That it could not withstand mere earthly elements.

Just like a storm, we grew together, raining our tears,

Until we ceased to be; just as a storm ends bringing about

The inevitable clear blue skies of fair weather, friend.

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The Tangled Web-My Journey to the Center of the Internet

My darling friend Jane wrote a web log about her experiences on the internet last week. It is a must read.  You can find it here. 

 

http://jerphila.wordpress.com/

 

Her musings have inspired me to write about my own internet saga.  Let me set the stage for you.  The year was 1999 and I was still very much a baby, at least emotionally. You see, I had always led a cloistered and sheltered life, a relativity happy life. Blessed in many ways. . It’s as if I had stepped right out of an Austen novel However, this was a difficult year for me, the hardest of my life in fact. This was the year I walked straight into a Bronte narrative, Emily’s not Charlotte’s.  I was struggling both emotionally and physically. My situation made me a hot mess of crazy (as oppose to my usual quirky mess of nutty) My emotions were all over the place and the quarter life crisis was in full swing.  Good times, y’all.

 Have I set this up enough? Do you get the picture? Imagine “All About Eve” meets “Brian’s Song”. It was the year of my discontent that I discovered the web and all its mysteries. I was like a kid in a candy store, a very innocent and fragile kid.  The internet opened up a whole new world for me and I met some really interesting characters. One would become a lifelong friend and to this day is like a sister to me. The other came into my life for a season to guide and teach me some valuable lessons about myself and the world at large. Lessons that took awhile to take hold, I’m nothing if not stubborn. This person taught me to be real with myself, to be honest.  They helped me find parts that were lost, they showed me parts I had hidden away, they exposed things I did not wish to look at yet needed to and they encouraged me to believe in myself.  Through their support, I learned to stand on my own two feet and found my voice. I learned I had more courage than I thought and discovered an inner strength I never knew I possessed. I learned to appreciate what I have and to live life to the fullest with no regrets, no excuses and no looking back. They also taught me how to let go of fear, guilt, anger, and the hot mess crazy side of myself. On a trivial note, it was from them that I acquired my love for “The Princess Bride”

 

Both these people were my anchors and life lines. They helped me reconnect with my authentic self and discover new levels and depths to my personality. Of course they had to put up with a lot of drama and angst too.  I will forever be grateful for their support. I will always remember their kindness and how they were a catalyst for major changes in my life. All for the better. 

 

It was also through the internet that I met my friends, Jane, Niles, and Mr. Lovely himself Colin. These relationships have morphed into real life. What a blessing.  I am forever indebted to Jane for always being a sounding board, my soul sister and partner in crime. She makes me laugh and amazes me with her tenacity and spunk. She’s beautiful inside and out and the ying to my yang. Niles is my brother from another mother and my eternal introverted bibliophile buddy. He’s a quiet, gentle soul full of knowledge and kindness. Then there Colin he is my mentor and a myriad of the mystic and profound. It is through him that I have learned so much about humanity.  He inspired me to become an advocate, to do more, expect more and be more. Of course there was also the eccentric and magnetic Dr. Suglia but that’s a blog in and of itself.

 

I suppose with any good, there is always the bad. Sometimes the angels become the demons. I have had my fair share of bad experiences on-line. These have occurred over the last few years. I had a cyber stalker. This person created a fake page and used my name and pictures. They wrote horrible things on it. They also tormented my mother. Nobody messes with my mama. GRR! It was absurd and ridiculous. Thankfully, we had a good friend who was able to help us deal with the situation and put an end to it.

I have also come across a few users who prey on kindness. You know the type of people who have an agenda and seek you out to use and then discard. They suck you into their twisted game of deception all under the guise of friendship. Scamming and scheming is all they know.  These people are masters of deception, wolves in sheep’s clothing.  They appear sweet and unassuming but much like the holly at Christmas they are poison They leave behind only carnage in their wake.   They take hot crazy mess to a whole new and terrifying level.

My Granny always taught me to make sunshine out of rain. In some ways even the negatives are positives because through these experiences I have become more enlightened. I’m not the same gullible, sheltered waif I once was. My eyes are wide open. The girl that longed to see the best in people is still alive in me.  I hope I never lose touch with her, her childlike exuberant sustains me. She’s just older, wiser and more in tune with the ways of the world.

I’ll end my saga by saying the internet is a paradox full of wonder and lackluster. It can be the great equalizer and the great enabler.  I love it tremendously and abhor it whole heartily.  It will never take the place of reading a good book, a walk in the sunshine, a glass of sweet tea, traveling the globe, a warm hug, or spending time with those we love. But, it can be a place to connect, communicate, learn, create advocate and be entertained.

Oh and watch adorable cat videos. Meow!

 

 -The End