The Grudge

Please feel free to skip straight to the poem if you aren’t a fan of my ramblings. 💕

Below is a poem I wrote eons ago. I thought I’d share it again. It deals with anger and forgiveness. I’m a person who has always felt things greatly. If I love you, I probably always will. That doesn’t mean I’ll always like you, or keep you in the forefront of my mind. I’ve never been fickle when it comes to loyalty and empathy. However, I refuse to tolerate fickleness and emotional immaturity. If someone can’t see my worth or appreciate what I have to offer, then the loss is theirs.

There was a time when I used to hold on to negative feelings when my heart was hurt. It took me awhile, but I finally realized how destructive that was. It just fostered so much resentment. Why give someone that kind of power over you? If they no longer want to be in your life, why allow them to take up space in your head? I know it’s easy to feel like a sucker for the lost time and energy you’ve invested. One should never regret caring though. Every experience teaches us something. Turn the lesson into a blessing (as my Granny use to say)

I’ve learned that forgiveness is the only way to move forward. You have to assess every situation and really look at the person’s motives. Sometimes, forgiveness is warranted. We all make mistakes. Rarely, do we hurt each other with malicious intent. Sometimes, people just handle things badly due to a lack of maturity and strength. I’ve been that person. We all have.

Understand that you won’t always get an apology or closure. Sometimes, there is no resolution. This is where resentment can really take hold. Don’t let it! Maybe, the person doesn’t deserve absolution, forgive them anyway. Some people are just stuck in a cycle of repeating the same self destructive patterns. That’s on them, not you. Remember, forgiveness isn’t always for the other person. Sometimes it’s just for you. Do it for yourself and your own peace of mind.

My life has become so much better since I’ve learned to let things go of bitterness and a victim mentality. It’s not always easy, I have moments where I fall back into negativity. However, those moments are less and less. I’m in a really positive head space, happier than I’ve been in ages, and excited by the future, I’m surrounded by people who truly love me. I feel cherished and appreciate. SO grateful.

Okay, if you made it this far, bless you! 💕A quote and then the poem.

The Grudge

I watered the grudge with a
fervent devotion of a priest
giving communion. I watered
it with the determination of
a drunk on his fourth glass
of gin. The destructive
clockwork of a not so
righteous self.

The cactus in my heart
erupting. I watered it everyday
with a can of venom. My hands
blistering over from the hate.
The fluid and its dark nutrients
taking root, until the petals
bloomed over and clotted my
brain, until there was nothing
left but arid air, laced with
regret, and the silence of
time wasted. The stale
taste of a garden grown
on the wreckage of malice
Gone. The long reign of
bitterness. The tight reign
of hurt feelings. The shards
of anger, shaken from my
eyes. I finally see the sterile
landscape clearly.